Challenging Negative Thoughts

What can I do today to focus my energy more positively?

Five of Wands, King of Swords, The Sun - Tarot of the Magical Forest

I'm creating a lot of conflict for myself with my thoughts.  The reason I'm feeling angry and bitter today, and unfortunately, I am, for no real reason, is because of the stories I'm telling myself, not because of what is actually true.  I need to challenge those thoughts and be very intentional about telling myself the truth.

I'm taking the appearance of The Sun in this reading literally.  It's been so dark and rainy, and that kind of weather really affects my mood, but today the sun was shining so I made a point of getting outside and spending some time in the bright light.  It felt good!  When this time of year rolls around I have a light box that I use in the morning because my sleep gets disrupted by the short, dark days.  The light box helps.  I also start taking vitamin D3.  I've been telling myself for a couple of weeks that it's time to implement those Winter coping strategies.  I FEEL THE NEED!  I've procrastinated on doing it, though, and maybe The Sun is just a reminder that it's time.

"Whenever a negative thought concerning your personal power comes to mind, deliberately voice a positive one to cancel it out."

~Norman Vincent Peale

Dare to Dream

It's been a while since I've written.  Last night I had a dream that I was shuffling one of my tarot decks and I kept bending and creasing the cards.  I was so upset!  The cards seemed so fragile easily ruined.  I'm not sure what that meant, but it did make me want to pull that deck out this morning and see what it might have to say.

I've been feeling stuck and tired and uninterested in doing much of anything at all, so I drew three cards asking, "How can I get back on track?"

Death, Page of Cups, The Wheel - Joie De Vivre Tarot

It's interesting that Death came up.  I've been thinking about death A LOT lately.  There was my uncle's death, which hit me pretty hard, and friend of mine's husband is dying too.  He goes home into hospice care tomorrow.  Another friend and I had a conversation earlier in the week about our mutual death preoccupation.  Where did it come from?  When did it start?  How does it affect the choices we make?  This is part of why I'm feeling stuck.  The other part is that it's dark.  The days are short, and the weather has added even more gloom.

I always get a little pep-talk from this deck. With Death and The Wheel on either side of the spread it is saying, change is inevitable. We all have seasons in our lives where we are saying goodbye to loved ones, preparing to move on ourselves, experiencing new beginnings, and letting go of baggage from the past.  Some things we can't control, but some things we can.  I can make choices now that will make things better tomorrow.  I don't have to stay stuck.

The page of cups in between these two cards is a reminder that every "goodbye," brings a fresh "Well, hello there!"  I should let myself dream of possibilities.  I should let myself dream and believe those dreams can come true.    All week I'd think about decorating for Christmas one minute and the next I was out of the mood.  I'd think about trying a new exercise routine I'd seen online but then I'd tell myself, "What's the point?"  Every time I did a little dreaming, death was lingering in the background giving me a sense of futility. This spread is saying, "Embrace the dream! Believe!"  That's where positive change starts.  A belief.

Interestingly, while I was having the thought above I was walking down the hall and noticed a sign hanging there that was given to me this Summer.  (I sometimes pace while I gather my thoughts.  And you thought I wrote blog posts sitting in front of the computer!) It says, "Dream until your dreams come true."  I walk by that sign every day and never see it.  Today I saw it.  Today I'm believing.

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today."
~James Dean

Peace

My uncle died today.  He was in a lot of pain this week.  Last night he celebrated Christmas with his loved ones and was able to see his grandchildren open gifts.  He was holding on for that.  For them.  I'll miss him.

Heaven Via Chariot?

My uncle is losing his battle with leukemia.  He's not expected to live past Christmas, if he makes it that long.  I keep hoping for some miracle to come and save him, but maybe a peaceful passing is what I should be praying for.  I did a spread asking what the next few weeks would look like for him.

The Chariot, Six of Wands, King of Chalices - Tarot of the Magical Forest

Probably because of wishful thinking my first read on these cards was that The Chariot represents my uncle's desire to fight this cancer.  He wants to undergo an aggressive treatment to try and beat the cancer, but his doctor believes the treatment will kill him even faster than the cancer.  His heart is simply not strong enough to survive a stronger dose of chemo.  When I saw these cards I thought maybe they were saying he would fight and be victorious.  Surely the Six of Wands shows a man surrounded by love and support celebrating a victory, right?

But after thinking about it more, and knowing that my uncle is home under hospice care, preparing to celebrate Christmas early so he can see the joy in his grand-children's faces one last time, I think maybe The Chariot indicates that he will be leaving this world for the next very soon.

In the bible, Elijah was taken to heaven by a chariot:

"Then it happened, as they continued on and talked, that suddenly a chariot of fire appeared with horses of fire, and separated the two of them; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven." 2 Kings 2:11

The next two cards seem almost heavenly in that context.  If this reading does indicate that he will by dying soon, it shows joy and love await him in the next world.  I really want to believe that when we die we are reunited with loved ones.  The Six of Wands paints that picture too.  Maybe the King of Cups is God, in this case.  God is love, after all. No matter how confused I am about all things divine at times, that is the one belief I cling to the most. 

As if that isn't clear enough, when I add up the cards to calculate the quint card I get 7+6=13.  Death.

Either way, I want to believe what this reading is telling me.  I hope a miracle happens and somehow his heart is strengthened and he can live to fight.  The truth is, though, that we are all going to die, and no matter how hard I try to forget that truth, sometimes it gets right up in my face and demands to be acknowledged.  This is one of those times, so if I have to face it, I want so badly to believe death is a passing from this world to a better one filled with love and joy.  That does seem to be the message for me today.  If only I could believe it.

Charge!

I did another "What's at hand?" spread today using Tarot: The Complete Kit cards:

What's at hand? Nine of Wands. The wands in this card form a window, and behind the window stands a woman looking out.  The window almost looks like a cage.  Are the bars there for her protection or is she trapped by them?  I've been feeling guarded lately.  Having been hurt by a couple of comments from people recently, and also feeling hurt by silence from other people, I find myself holding back and not reaching out to others as I normally would.  Maybe the woman behind the window is just checking the weather before she heads out so she knows whether she'll need a raincoat or not.  Once she knows what she needs to be safe and warm, she'll step out and rejoin the community.

Past Influences?  The Chariot.  Look at that bicyclist go!  The rider is moving in his own way.  It may not be the traditional way to ride a bike, but he's moving.  I've been quite the mover and shaker in the past, myself.  I haven't always been so guarded or so stuck.  It's important to remember that.  This is a temporary state of being.  The calm before the Sidda-Storm, perhaps?  You know what they say, "It's like riding a bike; once you learn, you never forget!"  I think I'll find my groove again, and sooner rather than later.

Ponder this.  King of Wands.  This particular king is on the move too.  The challenges being faced are temporary.  I have everything I need to move forward.

What to do.  Knight of Swords.  Charge!  That's what I think when I see this card.  It's so interesting that the top card shows a woman who is hesitating, making sure everything is okay before stepping out, not quite ready to move ahead.  Yet, all three cards underneath show definite action and movement. I think this means that this funk I'm in is just about over.  I think the King of Swords is telling me that the only reason I'm stuck is because I haven't yet made the decision to MOVE!  It's okay that I'm holding back.  There may be a good reason to look before I leap, but once I see that it's safe to go ahead, I'll regain the energy I've had in the past and do exactly what I set my mind to.

Breaking Old Worn Out Patterns

Yesterday I received a little sunshine in my mailbox from Magic Mentha.  I won her Blogiversary Giveaway of a Tarot: The Complete Kit, along with a couple of other thoughtful goodies thrown in just because MM is a sweetie.  This is a cute little tarot deck, and I love it!  Thanks, MM!

I dove right in and used the suggested spread that came with the kit. 

A

B- C- D

A. What's at hand?
B.  Past influences.
C.  Ponder this.
D. What to do.

What's at hand?  Six of Pentacles.  This card makes me think of giving and receiving, which is very appropriate for this time of year.  The loaf of bread shown on this card is perfect because this is the time of year that I find myself doing a lot of baking.  In fact, this weekend I'll be baking another birthday cake.  We're having family over for a birthday party for my fourteen year old, which reminds me, I still need to buy her gift!  I also have a pretty messy house to clean up, but this card isn't just about giving.  It's also about receiving, so I think I will "receive" plenty of help from my husband and kids.

Past influences?  Queen of Cups.  This card speaks to me about my relationship with my family, and in the past, this has been a hard time of year for me.  There is so much I want to do to make this time special for them, and I feel like I never quite measure up.  The drops of water next to the queen makes me think of tears, and the downside of this queen is that sometimes she doesn't see things clearly because she can get a little stressed out.  Maybe she is putting too much pressure on herself, trying so hard to make everyone else happy.  She needs to remember to love herself too.  That's another message I have gotten from this card repeatedly.  The little book that came with this deck says, "Don't get bogged down by trivial details or the demands of others," and that speaks to me right now.

Ponder this.  Two of Swords.  Maybe I don't have to "do it all."  Maybe this card is asking me to think about what is really important, so I can make some choices about where to apply myself.  Maybe I will have to disappoint some people in the process, but I do need to think clearly and choose wisely.  That white dog under the table sticking his tongue out at me will get over it.  He's still there at the ponderer's feet, right?

What to do?  Ten of Wands.  I need to recognize that I feel incredibly burdened every year around this time, so perhaps this year it's time to approach things differently.  In fact, the little book says, "Break out of stubborn patterns and look for new approaches."  That sounds really good to me!  I've been feeling a sense of dread as the days tick past.  I've been wanting to hide my head in the sand and do nothing, but that will insure that I have another stressful holiday season.  It has become a pattern that I willingly break this year.  Instead of feeling stressed and glad when it's all over, I'm going to think of ways to make this a relaxed and special time for me and my family.
 

To Write or Not to Write

I'm considering participating in Nanowrimo this month.  I haven't quite been able to commit to it, though. Two of my daughters participate every year, and I have participated in the past, although, I only got about halfway through my word count before I ran out of steam (and words!).

Besides, until last night I had not a clue what I would write.  I did a writing prompt tarot spread, and I've been mulling it over for the last couple of days, and last night, after I crawled into bed, of course, the cards came together in a rough plot.  I had to get up and write down a few notes.  It was after midnight and my fourteen year old was still up and already working on her novel.She'd been waiting for midnight so she could officially begin.  She's already 9% finished.

Anyway, here's my spread.  Beginning/Middle/End - Plot twist/Theme

Plot Spread - The Gilded Tarot

What kind of story do you come up with using these cards?

Here's my take.  The story starts with action.  I see a girl being chased by several other girls through the woods behind their home or the woods next to their school for troubled girls.  In the middle of the story the main character will discover her power, but she'll also struggle with ego.  Of course, the Four of Wands indicates a happy ending.  I think my main character will either be reunited with her true family or find a new family that loves and supports her.

Plot twist?  My main character is going to discover a portal to another world.  Her true world.  She is an alien among us from a higher plane.  Judgement will be the theme.  Judgement of mankind?  The main character will certainly face a moment of truth or two or three.  Judgement is an excellent theme.

Now, if only the words would come.

Spooky Hierophant

I just wanted to take a second to post my entry for Lisa's Spooky Hierophant Halloween Competition.  I doctored the Hierophant from Tarot of the Magical Forest using Picmonkey.com.

Spooky Hierophant - Tarot of the Magical Forest (with edits made at picmonkey.com)

This was fun!  You can see the other entries on Lisa's Facebook page. Here's the link!

Important Stuff

Five of Wands - Tarot of the Magical Forest

In the Rider Waite version of the Five of Wands there are five men holding wands up, appearing to be fighting.  They are all wearing different colors, but in the Tarot of the Magical Forest all of the frogs are wearing the same red cape, which gives me the feeling that they are on the same team, or perhaps are even the same frog.  The same frog fighting against himself.

Over the weekend I was so excited about my goals because I had a vision, and I was sure I knew the steps to take to accomplish them.  Today, I feel scattered.  There are so many things I want to accomplish that I don't know where to begin.  It all makes me feel a little tired.  That kind of tension makes me want to run and hide and deal with it all another day.

I need to narrow my focus.  Pick one goal at a time as the primary focus of my attention and energy.  That's easier said than done for a woman with a family to care for with the holidays looming, but as important as those things are, my personal goals are more important because they are life to me.  Without them I will wither and die.  Does that sound dramatic?  Well, yeah, it's stated dramatically because it really is that crucial that I not continue to push my hopes and dreams out of the way to make room for all of that "important" stuff. 

Okay, decision made.  I know where I'll focus today, and the truth is, I'll still have time for that "important" stuff.

“Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work at hand. The sun's rays do not burn until brought to a focus.” 
~Alexander Graham Bell 

The How

Today, I drew the High Priestess.

The High Priestess - Tarot of the Magical Forest

I spent a lot of time today excited about new ideas, or rather old ideas that suddenly seem possible for me to put into practice.  I've decided to visualize what I want and to believe the way has already been made for me to get it.  What I don't know is how that will happen, but today, in this moment the how is not important.  The how is taken care of by God/The Universe/The Divine, whatever name you want to give to that force that creates miracles in and around us every day, whether we acknowledge them or not.

I think maybe the how is represented by The High Priestess.  The Magician is my vision, and The Empress will bring my vision to fruition, but in between lies The High Priestess.  It's a delicious mystery.

Yesterday I wrote about my prayer, where I asked God to "flip a switch," and make me different, and I felt I received an answer that the switch has been flipped, and I just need to wait and see the results.  Well, today I tuned into Hay House Radio, and the name of the program that just happened to be playing was "Flipping the Switch - Release That Extra Weight Using Belief Repatterning!"

Well, butter my butt, and call me a biscuit, if that wasn't a sign from the Divine! (Sorry, I've been wanting to use that phrase since I first heard it.)

So, my mind is full of new hope and possibilities, and I'm just waiting to see what the how will be.

We can't have full knowledge all at once. We must start by believing; then afterwards we may be led on to master the evidence for ourselves.
~Thomas Aquinas

Living Fearlessly for Weight Loss

I found a spread at Tarot Quest that I decided to give a try.  I've been feeling stuck in my weight loss efforts, and it is extremely frustrating because I've been working hard at it over the last couple of months without seeing any results.  This reading got to the deeper issue, which I must say, was not a surprise.  I've just been tackling the issue as if it were solely a physical one and ignoring the real issue even though I know that carrying extra weight is just a symptom of something inside that needs healing.

The Spread:

****** 7 ******
****** 6 ******
*** 4 **** 5 ***
****** 3 ******
****** 2 ******
****** 1 ******
CARD ONE: The Root cause of my issue.
CARD TWO: Why am I faced with such an issue within my life?
CARD THREE: What can I do to heal it?
CARD FOUR: What’s helping me heal it?
CARD FIVE: What’s the major obstacle in my path of healing?
CARD SIX: Advice and Guidance.
CARD SEVEN: The Result of my healing journey.

Using The Joie De Vivre Tarot I drew:

1: Ace of Coins
2. The Hermit
3. Ace of Cups
4. Eight of Cups
5. Death
6. The Wheel
7. Page of Swords

The root cause of my weight gain is that I don't feel safe.  I worry about how to pay for the things we need every day.  I worry about my health.  I don't trust that all is working for my best.  I have doubts about eternity and God and that there is any purpose to this life.  My root cause is fear and insecurity.

I'm faced with this issue so I can learn and help others.  Ultimately, these weight issues will draw me toward the inner wisdom I possess.  It will bring me face to face with God, with love itself.  This is not a physical battle.  It is a spiritual fight that is manifesting physically.










To heal this, I need to let my heart be wide open.  I need to trust, forgive and love.  I am so guarded, and I can't remember exactly when that happened, but it's time to let my defenses down and let people in again.  And maybe not just people, but love.

I am seeking answers, and that is helping me right now.  This spiritual quest is important and I'm on the right track there, but I need to let go even more.  I need to stop fearing the fundamental change that is necessary to heal.  Again, I need to let go of fear and embrace transformational love. 

I think the wheel is just echoing what I've already said.  Trust the divine order of things.  Everything is already working for my best.  Trust.  There are forces at work that I do not control.  Surrender.

The page of swords represents the beginning of my healing.  It is me moving out of depression, away from fear, and gaining new confidence.   

At first I was disappointed that I didn't see something like The Sun or The World as the outcome card, but after thinking about it, I think that page of swords is perfect.  My goal here is not to be able to say, "I've arrived," or to experience some kind of completion.  My real goal, as illuminated by this reading, is to live fearlessly.  I've been wanting that for a long time.  The page here looks fearless and joyful.  He still has a lot to learn, but he is doing so with confidence, and he is enjoying the journey.  That is my real goal.



When I was out walking today I did a lot of thinking about this reading.  I did some praying too.  I told God that I didn't know how to trust, and I didn't know how to let go of my fears, insecurities, and past hurts.  I told him or her that my bottom line was I wanted to be changed.  I wanted a switch to be flipped that would make me a different person.  

The answer I received was that the switch has already been flipped, and now I just need to be patient and trust while the change that has already occurred unfolds.  I can just be.  That doesn't mean I should stop taking my walks or that I should stop trying to eat healthfully.  Those things are part of the change that has already taken place.  I won't wake up in a different body tomorrow.  I won't even wake up suddenly thinking or feeling differently, but I am on the way.  I am learning to trust.  I am learning to live a life without fear, just like that Page of Swords.

 

Treading Water

Yesterday I drew the Four of Wands.  This card didn't reflect how I was feeling at all.

Four of Wands - Tarot of the Magical Forest

I suppose it could be telling me to stop feeling sorry for myself and remember that I really am blessed.  I have a beautiful family, a comfortable home, my health and good friends.

The thing is, I'm feeling a little hopeless, as I am prone to feeling from time to time.  I've been working diligently, and yet feel that I am as far away from accomplishing my goals as I ever was.  I feel like I'm in the middle of an ocean, treading water with no shore in sight.  It's only a matter of time before I run out of energy and sink to the bottom of the deep blue sea...

In fact, today's card is a very good representation of how I've been feeling.

Five of Chalices - Tarot of the Magical Forest

When I see this card, I always hear myself sighing, "Woe is me.  Poor, poor me," and yet, this card reminds me that while I'm focused on those three empty cups, I'm ignoring the two full cups in the foreground.  Those two cups could very well be my salvation, filled with hope.

Today I remembered the readings I've done for myself in the recent past.  The ones where the Hanged Man showed up, letting me know that there would be a period of time where I would feel like I wasn't getting anywhere.  "Hang in there, baby!" he seemed to be saying.  So, I'm trying to be patient.  I have no plan other than to keep treading water for as long as I can, to hang in there until something starts to improve.  It's better than sinking.

Queen for the Day

Look at that! I drew another queen today.

Queen of Chalices - Tarot of the Magical Forest

It seems appropriate because today was my birthday, and my family made me Queen for the day.  They cleaned up, made dinner, and baked me a delicious lemon cake from scratch.

Queen of the Lovelies

Today I drew the Queen of Pentacles.

Queen of Pentacles - Tarot of the Magical Forest

In the past when I've drawn this card, I've read it as an encouragement to love and take care of myself.  I didn't immediately get that vibe when I pulled it, so I thought I'd just look for ways to incorporate the energy of this card into my day.  I did a little cleaning here and there, and I found it a pleasure because I had already whipped the house into shape earlier in the week in anticipation of guests coming over.  It's always easier to keep a clean house clean than it is to work in a messy house.  Well, no duh, huh?

The thing about this particular Queen of Pentacles is she looks really tired to me.  Yeah, that can be the downside of being the Queen of Pentacles.  She's so busy tending to everyone else, making the house cozy, balancing the checkbook, reading to the kiddies, but if she isn't careful all of that care-giving can really take a toll.

So, this tired Queen still serves as a reminder to take care of myself so I can continue to be there to take care of my lovelies. 

Onward!

Knave of Swords -
Tarot of the Magical Forest

How interesting that today I drew the Knave of Swords, which comes right after the card I drew yesterday.  Yesterday I was replaying last weekend's events over and over in my mind, but today I've moved forward and have made a solid decision about the situation.  However, I'm still feeling unsure.


This knave is moving forward but still looks backward pensively.  The sky around him is dark and foreboding. Maybe a storm is approaching.

I don't know how to tell my friends that I won't be showing up at our favorite gathering place anymore.  I see some of them in other places.  We get together at each others' houses for parties and stuff like that, but some of them I never see anywhere but there.  I'm afraid I'll lose touch.  I'm afraid my friends will try to talk me out of my decision, so I want to avoid the conversation completely, but if I'm being honest, I've been thinking I needed a break from spending time at this place for quite a while now, even before the shock of this past weekend.  I've been going less and less frequently, unable to completely let go.

Yes, this card portrays my feelings perfectly, but I want to look a little deeper for advice.  I'd say that it's telling me to do what I know I need to do even though I have reservations.  I don't know what the road ahead looks like, but I need to just keep taking the next step.

I don't know what I'll tell my friends, but I know what I have to do.

New Deck - New Day

A new deck arrived in the mail for me today.  I bought it for my birthday.  It's the Tarot of Magical Forest tarot deck, and I'm enchanted with it.  I'll be drawing a card a day from it for a while while we get acquainted.

Ten of Swords - Tarot of the Magical Forest

For my first draw from this deck I wish I had chosen a more pleasant card, but I can see how this card may be appropriate for me today.  The cat in this card looks like he has been through quite a battle, and those wide open eyes make me think that, although the battle is over, he is replaying the battle over and over in his mind.

I've been thinking all week about what happened Saturday night.  I've talked to my husband about it.  I've talked to my son about it because he is the one who picked me up, and I've decided I am not crazy, and I'm not to blame for what happened.  It's time to stop thinking about it and move on.

When I looked through this deck, there was one card that immediately became my favorite.

Strength - Tarot of the Magical Forest

This strength card just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.  I could almost cry it's so sweet.  So, I'm going to channel the energy of this card today, because after the difficult week I've had it feels like a warm embrace.

I Wish I Didn't Think What I'm Thinking.

Something strange happened to me this weekend, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.  I went out Saturday night, which I wrote about in my last post, and I drank the same thing I always drink in the same quantity I always drink it, but I got wasted!  I know what I drank.  My bar  tab confirmed it, but by the end of the night I was having trouble talking and walking.  I passed out when I got home.  I got home safely and didn't come to any harm.  My friends were all there, and my son came and got me, but still.  I'm really shaken by it.

Apparently, the same thing has happened recently to a couple of other people at this bar, but when my friends were telling me about it, they were suspecting that a person who was recently fired was possibly drugging people's drinks.  That person was not there Saturday night, and yet, I experienced what a couple of my other friends said they experienced, and there is no answer for it.

I pulled three cards asking, "What happened to me Saturday night, and what should I do about it?"

The Lovers, The Devil, Nine of Swords - The Joie De Vivre Tarot

That devil in the middle is very striking to me.  Is that puppet he's controlling me?  Are these cards saying that I was not in control of the situation, because that is exactly how I feel?  I was not in control.  Or is the devil simply representing the fact that I did drink too much even though I know that I was careful?

The Nine of Swords represents how I'm feeling.  I feel anxious.  I'm suspicious, but am I being paranoid or are my suspicions justified?  I think this card is also telling me that I'm worrying too much about this.  I've been thinking about it nonstop since Sunday morning, to the point that I've feeling physically ill and unable to concentrate on other things.

The Lovers card is telling me to trust myself.  It may also be indicating that I have a decision to make, and that it is important I choose the right path.

I do feel like I'm being paranoid, and yet, I know what I know.  Even at the time, I kept telling my friends, "I'm really drunk, and I haven't had that much to drink."

They smiled and patted me on the back as if to say, "Oh Sidda, silly girl, it's okay to lose control once in a while," and if it were simply a case of me drinking too much I would agree that's it's not a big deal, but I feel like control was taken away from me against my will.

This reading brings some clarity.  I still don't know what happened exactly, but I think I'll trust my instincts and stay away from this bar for a while.  I'm feeling uncomfortable and anxious for a reason.  I need to listen to those feelings. Truth be told, it's probably for the best.  Maybe something will come to light and someone will figure out why this keeps happening to people. Even now, I'm still having trouble believing this happened.  I'm still tempted to blow it off as nothing or a fluke.  I think that would be a mistake, though.

I don't think I need to worry anymore about this, but I do think I need to make a smart decision about how to proceed in the future.

Girls' Night Out

I'm meeting my best girlfriends tonight.  It seems like it's been a long time since we got together.  We used to go out every weekend, usually both Friday and  Saturday night.  We had some serious fun together and have been through some serious tough stuff together too.

I pulled three cards today asking to be told a story about tonight.

Ten of Coins, Six of Cups, The Chariot - The Joie De Vivre Tarot

I think I will be very happy that I got the chance to see my friends tonight.  The Ten of Coins tells me I will be very aware of how blessed I am, and out of my abundance I will be giving back.  There will be a real balance of giving and receiving tonight.

The Six of Cups reflects how I feel about our friendship.  Things have changed.  We don't see each other as often as we used to, and even when we do it's not quite the same, which isn't a bad thing, but I do miss the dynamic we used to enjoy. 

Perhaps we'll all reminisce tonight and remember all of the good times and difficult times we've weathered together, but the Chariot seems to be telling me that going back is not an option.  We're all moving forward on our paths, and our relationship has to adapt to the changes in our individual lives, but I just noticed the word, "trust," on the Six of Cups in the middle of the spread, and I think instead of worrying about how our relationships will evolve, I'll just trust that what is best for all of us is what will be.  In the meantime, I'm going to embrace my friends tonight and bask in the love they bring to my life.

Control Your Destiny

The first thing that came to me when I saw the cards I pulled for my daily spread is that I can expect to experience mood swings because of where I am in my lady cycle.

Queen of Swords, Queen of Cups, The Wheel - The Joie De Vivre Tarot

That's certainly been true of my day already, and it's not even noon.  I didn't get much sleep last night, so I'm feeling low on energy, and earlier while I was reading my book I started crying.  Usually, if a book is going to make me cry, it's at the end, but this was  right smack dab in the middle of it.  True, it was a poignant moment, but still,...unusual for me.

I'm not sure what advice these cards might have for me.  Those two queens are so different from each other, and yet, I can see myself in each of them.  The look on the Queen of Swords' face is priceless, and if you asked my kids, I'll bet they'd say they've seen the same look on mine when they've done something that doesn't make me happy.  Still, if one of them has a problem or is worried about something, I'm the first person they run to because I almost always can understand what they are feeling.  They know I will listen without judging and offer comfort or advice.  Moms are good like that.

The Wheel of Fortune has meant hormonal cycles in readings I've done before, but I think maybe today it's also a reminder that I decide how to react to the circumstances in which I find myself, whether it's with the Queen of Swords' clear vision and intellect or the Queen of Cups' empathy and intuition.  The decisions I make will always affect the outcome. I have a lot of control over how my life goes, and if at any point during the day, I don't like how things are going I can change course.

edit:  Actually, I remembered incorrectly.  It's The Moon that I've had come up referring to menstrual cycles before, but the Wheel as cycles in general.  I think the advice is still sound, though.

"Destiny is not a matter of chance, but of choice. Not something to wish for, but to attain."

~ William Jennings Bryan

Tarot Says, "Enjoy!"

I didn't have a specific question for my spread today.  I was just open to whatever message I might need to hear right now.

The Fool, Three of Cups, Ace of Coins - The Joie De Vivre Tarot

As it happens I'm going on another trip tomorrow, so I think The Fool showing up is referring to that.  My husband and I will be celebrating our 25th anniversary.  When I made the arrangements for the trip, we had the money needed to pay for it, but after a few home improvement projects this Summer that cost more than planned, money is tight.  Those money concerns are making it difficult for me to get excited about this trip.  I think the reversed Ace of Coins reflects those financial concerns.

However, I think the Three of Cups in the middle is telling me to relax and enjoy despite the fact that money is tight right now.  This is a very special occasion, worthy of celebrating, and I won't be doing anyone any favors if I am unable to be present in the moment because I'm too worried about money that's already been spent.

I'm going to let myself live it up! Responsibly.  We won't be spending any more money than necessary.  In fact, we're taking stuff to make sandwiches so we can eat on the cheap for a couple of meals, but this will be a time to enjoy!

Ah, I feel better now.

Peace for the Season

The beginning of Fall marks the beginning of my busy season. Fall is my favorite season, but I typically don't enjoy it as much as I should because I spend most of it stressed out and overwhelmed. Besides the holidays, this is our birthday and anniversary season. We have a celebration of one kind or another almost every week from now until the end of December. I don't know why our family decided to do all of its birthing and marrying in the Fall, but that's the way it worked out.

I was reading a guest post by Brigit Esselmont at Tarotize.com about how a beginner could learn to read the Tarot in just five minutes by using the images on the cards to tell a story.  I decided to give it a try, asking the question, "What's the best way to approach this holiday season to avoid becoming overwhelmed?"

King of Coins, Four of Swords, The Lovers - The Joie De Vivre Tarot

There's a man, well, a bunny, a bunny man!  There's a bunny man offering a modest but beautiful gift.  At his feet is a heart, symbolizing love. He stands in front of his beautiful kingdom looking peaceful and content.

I should remember that the celebrations, gifts, and gatherings are there for the purpose of loving each other.  The gifts don't have to be expensive.  That's not what's important.  Opening up my home to our extended family and friends for the celebrations is one way I can show them how much they mean to me, and that is the best gift of all.

In the next card is a woman who appears to be meditating.  She is centering herself, and in her hands she holds another heart, another symbol of love. She is surrounded by, what looks to me like, balloons.  Is she closing her eyes and catching her breath in the middle of a party?

When I start to feel overwhelmed, I should step back and take some time to center myself. During the parties, instead of worrying whether or not everything is perfect and whether or not everyone is having a good time, I can sit and let myself soak in the love of my family gathered together.  I can take a time out, even in the middle of a social event, to just be present.

The last card shows two people holding hands while traveling together somewhere. They are followed by a winged messenger, symbolizing communication.  Where are they traveling?  Maybe they are going Christmas shopping at the mall!

Maybe the message here is that I don't have to make all the preparations and gifts by myself.  I do have a partner to help me, but I have to communicate with him and let him know when I need help.  Typically, I do handle all of the holiday preparations by myself.  I buy the gifts, bake the cookies and cakes, make the meals and all the plans.  My husband is always willing to do whatever I need him to do to help, but if I don't ask, he doesn't know what I need.

Perfection is not the goal this holiday season.  Loving each other, and taking the opportunities given by the birthdays and holidays to spend time together is the goal.  I will take time out from the preparations and celebrations to breathe and be present, and I will rely more on the support my husband can offer by communicating with him so he knows what I need from him.

 

King of Regrets, Meet King of Gratitude

When I draw a card for the day with no question in mind, I seem to get no real answer.  Today I drew the King of Cups.

 

King of Cups - Gilded Tarot

The king in this card doesn't look as happy as one would expect a king to be.  He looks like he is thinking about something he has lost or maybe remembering someone he misses.  Maybe despite his high position, he has regrets and can't stop thinking of them.  They rob him of the joy he should be experiencing because he has everything a man could want in life.

Maybe this is a reminder to me to count my blessings. Instead of focusing on what I don't have, I should focus on the many things I do have.  I have everything a woman needs to lead a joyful life.  Honestly, all of us do because joy is not dependent on circumstances, the balance in one's checking account, or a number on the scale.

Today, I will focus on being present in the moment and I will say a small prayer of gratitude for each of the blessings I notice as I go about my day, and in that case, I could pray all day long.

It's funny, sometimes I get no real message at all from the cards until I start writing about them.