Dare to Dream

It's been a while since I've written.  Last night I had a dream that I was shuffling one of my tarot decks and I kept bending and creasing the cards.  I was so upset!  The cards seemed so fragile easily ruined.  I'm not sure what that meant, but it did make me want to pull that deck out this morning and see what it might have to say.

I've been feeling stuck and tired and uninterested in doing much of anything at all, so I drew three cards asking, "How can I get back on track?"

Death, Page of Cups, The Wheel - Joie De Vivre Tarot

It's interesting that Death came up.  I've been thinking about death A LOT lately.  There was my uncle's death, which hit me pretty hard, and friend of mine's husband is dying too.  He goes home into hospice care tomorrow.  Another friend and I had a conversation earlier in the week about our mutual death preoccupation.  Where did it come from?  When did it start?  How does it affect the choices we make?  This is part of why I'm feeling stuck.  The other part is that it's dark.  The days are short, and the weather has added even more gloom.

I always get a little pep-talk from this deck. With Death and The Wheel on either side of the spread it is saying, change is inevitable. We all have seasons in our lives where we are saying goodbye to loved ones, preparing to move on ourselves, experiencing new beginnings, and letting go of baggage from the past.  Some things we can't control, but some things we can.  I can make choices now that will make things better tomorrow.  I don't have to stay stuck.

The page of cups in between these two cards is a reminder that every "goodbye," brings a fresh "Well, hello there!"  I should let myself dream of possibilities.  I should let myself dream and believe those dreams can come true.    All week I'd think about decorating for Christmas one minute and the next I was out of the mood.  I'd think about trying a new exercise routine I'd seen online but then I'd tell myself, "What's the point?"  Every time I did a little dreaming, death was lingering in the background giving me a sense of futility. This spread is saying, "Embrace the dream! Believe!"  That's where positive change starts.  A belief.

Interestingly, while I was having the thought above I was walking down the hall and noticed a sign hanging there that was given to me this Summer.  (I sometimes pace while I gather my thoughts.  And you thought I wrote blog posts sitting in front of the computer!) It says, "Dream until your dreams come true."  I walk by that sign every day and never see it.  Today I saw it.  Today I'm believing.

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today."
~James Dean