Heaven and Earth

As part of my reading about overcoming my fear of death I also inquired about life after death. First I asked if there was, indeed, life after death. I pulled The Four of Cups.

Four of Cups - Joie De Vivre Tarot

Interesting.  I could interpret this card as advising me that my focus on death and whether or not we go on afterwards is causing me to miss the life around me, and that is a valid point, but I didn't ask for advice with this card, I asked if there is life after death.  With that in mind, I might also see that there is a whole world outside of the little box where I currently reside.  Possibly there is a realm around us that we can't easily sense.  That is my hope.

Next I drew two cards asking for a description of heaven or whatever lies beyond this life:

The Tower, Ace of Coins - Joie De Vivre Tarot

Wow.  The Tower.  Of course.  Death qualifies as a tower event, no?  The thing with The Tower card is it indicates an occurrence that changes your life forever.  It means the end of something, but it's an end that needed to happen.  It makes way for something better, maybe the very best.

This Ace of Coins is such a beautiful description of Heaven too, and it is the same card (although from a different deck) that came up the last time I was inquiring about things divine.  I see abundance.  I see a tangible place where one creates something new.  I see gifts flowing freely from the Universe.

This is what I'm coming to believe about what we will be doing after life in our earthly bodies.  I think maybe we'll be co-creating a new life together, just as we are, albeit mostly unconsciously, co-creating this life.  Maybe we have many earthly lives before we're ready for that creation, or maybe we are, on one level, creating Heaven and this existence on earth simultaneously.

 

Spiritual Support

I was up most of the night feeling anxious.  Again.  I've actually been depressed and anxious since the beginning of October.  There have been several major stresses in my life during these months, and that together with my seasonal affective disorder, together with my generalized anxiety disorder have had me in quite a state.  

I'm not ignoring it.  I've had a couple of appointments with my doctor.  My blood work showed that I'm anemic, but that is resolving with iron.  Otherwise, I'm healthy. Well, except for this anxiety and depression.  My doctor wants to prescribe an antidepressant.  I've been on them before, but I'm trying this time to see if I can get to the root cause instead of masking it with medication.  I may still opt for medication if I can't find better relief, but in the meantime I'm working with a naturopath who has tested my estrogen and progesterone levels along with a saliva test for adrenal function.  I have an appointment with him today to find out the results.

I'm also trying to make some lifestyle changes, so far with some minimal success, but success nonetheless.  I'm kind of hit or miss with walking or other exercise, but I know it would make a big difference.  I'm working on better sleep hygiene and eating healthy whole foods while taking a few supplements.

I've been reading lots of different works dealing with spirituality and positive thinking as well, trying very hard to challenge negative thoughts.  I acknowledge the thoughts, but then I try to determine whether they are actually true, and I notice how those thoughts make me feel.  It's all hard work, but it is helping.  I could probably use some guidance from a counselor, but I've been dragging my feet when it comes to actually finding one and making an appointment.

Whew.  That's the background.  I'm trying to get to my tarot reading today, and I will, but there is one more big piece to my anxiety puzzle.

Abundance

Nine of Swords, Ten of Pentacles, Ace of Pentacles - The Gilded Tarot

Don't let fear block the gifts the Universe is giving you.  Accept those gifts with gratitude, share them with others and watch a river of abundance flow from you to others and back to you again.

"Whatever we are waiting for - peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance - it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart."   Sarah Ban Breathnach

Joy

The Spreading the Joy spread found in the little white book that comes with The Joie De Vivre Tarot by Paulina Cassidy is delightful! 

 0 - What is joy to me? Page of Coins. 

I enjoy learning new things, and a new project can be invigorating, especially if it is an artistic or creative one.  There are several things I've loved in the past that I don't do anymore like making glass beads and jewelry, singing, playing guitar.  I also love inspiring others to learn along with me and watching others learn to do one of the crafts or projects I enjoy.

 1 - Where do I find joy the easiest? Ace of Coins

 Fresh starts and opportunities.  A new idea with a plan about how to bring it into being.  I tease my husband all the time and tell him, "I'm an idea woman!"  Often the idea involves work for him.  Eh, I'm all about the planning and the ideas, but the actual work involved with making those ideas a reality is another story which leads me to,...

 2 - Where must I work to find joy? Nine of Wands

I need to work at following through on those plans and ideas, giving them some muscle, and then I will experience the joy that comes from working hard for something and accomplishing a goal.   This makes me think of those novels I've started writing and haven't finished, the online art class I paid for and still haven't completed a single lesson or the embroidery project sitting in my nightstand drawer that I began before my marriage so I'd have something sweet to hang on my bedroom wall as a new bride.  That was 26 years ago!

 3 - What do I allow to block my joy? Five of Cups

Focusing on what I lack instead of intentionally noticing what I have is blocking my joy.  Instead of allowing myself to enjoy what I have I'm always looking for the next thing that will make me happy.  So often I'm desiring the next bite of pizza instead of the delicious bite that's already in my mouth.  I'm waiting for the Summertime instead of enjoying the new life that Spring brings or the opportunities to hunker down and enjoy the warmth of my home that comes with Winter.  Constantly striving and chasing after what I don't have takes all of my attention away from the abundance all around me.

 4 - Who should I watch to learn more about finding joy? The Sun

The card in this position is meant to point me to a "joy mentor."  I have some ideas what the Sun might represent.  The divine?  Is it God, which I often associate with light and warmth?  Or maybe it is literally referring to the sun.  I have always said that nothing lifts my spirits like a sunny day, and it's so true.  Maybe I could learn about finding joy if I try to remember how a sunny day makes me feel and bring that spirit into my life even on gray days.  I could ask myself what the sun does for me on a physiological level and think of ways to provide those things when the sun isn't around (like taking a vitamin D supplement or using my full spectrum light box during the Winter.)


5 - What joy is the Universe gifting to me at this time? Two of Cups

 I often think of a romantic relationship or a very close friendship when I see this card.  I have been distancing myself from both lately.  Bad feelings about myself have kept me from giving all of myself in my relationships.  My marriage has been more of a business partnership, and I have been avoiding my friends.  I have three different friends from three different parts of the country that are going to be in my area this month, and I've been considering making an excuse for why I can't meet with them.  I've been cancelling lunch dates and declining party invitations.  The Universe is gifting me with  love, friendship, companionship, and SEX, if I will only let myself receive those things.  Joy!

Signs Point to, "Yes."

Using the Galaxy Tarot app on my phone I pulled some cards asking the question, "Now that I've begun to establish some new, healthier habits, can I expect to be successful with my weight loss efforts this time around?"

Queen of Pentacles, Ace of Pentacles, Four of Wands Reversed

The Queen of Pentacles represents me and the way I've been nurturing myself in the last couple of months.  I've been eating healthier foods, some straight from my garden, and I've been taking time to relax in the sun because that always improves my mood. I've been trying to move a little more, and I've bought some new, better fitting clothes which makes me feel so much better about myself.  Besides taking care of my physical self, I've really been working on accepting and loving myself just as I am, and I'm making progress there too.

The Ace of Pentacles represents, I believe, this new plan I have for my diet.  I feel really hopeful that this can work for me.  I'm looking at the path before me, and off in the distance is a gate that leads to my promised land of good health and fitness. There is, indeed, great potential for success if I follow that path.

I'm not sure how to interpret the Four of Wands reversed.  Maybe I need to be aware of some things in my environment here at home that aren't supporting me in reaching my goals.  Maybe it just speaks about the fact that I'm prone to becoming overwhelmed here at home with the housework, making sure everyone is cared for, planning and cooking meals for everyone.  Yes, being a mom is overwhelming sometimes, and it does make focusing on my own fitness goals challenging. 

So, I think overall this reading is telling me that, yes, I could very well be successful this time around, but I do need to find a way to balance my needs with those of my family in order to create a supportive environment for me to continue to nurture myself.

Living Fearlessly for Weight Loss

I found a spread at Tarot Quest that I decided to give a try.  I've been feeling stuck in my weight loss efforts, and it is extremely frustrating because I've been working hard at it over the last couple of months without seeing any results.  This reading got to the deeper issue, which I must say, was not a surprise.  I've just been tackling the issue as if it were solely a physical one and ignoring the real issue even though I know that carrying extra weight is just a symptom of something inside that needs healing.

The Spread:

****** 7 ******
****** 6 ******
*** 4 **** 5 ***
****** 3 ******
****** 2 ******
****** 1 ******
CARD ONE: The Root cause of my issue.
CARD TWO: Why am I faced with such an issue within my life?
CARD THREE: What can I do to heal it?
CARD FOUR: What’s helping me heal it?
CARD FIVE: What’s the major obstacle in my path of healing?
CARD SIX: Advice and Guidance.
CARD SEVEN: The Result of my healing journey.

Using The Joie De Vivre Tarot I drew:

1: Ace of Coins
2. The Hermit
3. Ace of Cups
4. Eight of Cups
5. Death
6. The Wheel
7. Page of Swords

The root cause of my weight gain is that I don't feel safe.  I worry about how to pay for the things we need every day.  I worry about my health.  I don't trust that all is working for my best.  I have doubts about eternity and God and that there is any purpose to this life.  My root cause is fear and insecurity.

I'm faced with this issue so I can learn and help others.  Ultimately, these weight issues will draw me toward the inner wisdom I possess.  It will bring me face to face with God, with love itself.  This is not a physical battle.  It is a spiritual fight that is manifesting physically.










To heal this, I need to let my heart be wide open.  I need to trust, forgive and love.  I am so guarded, and I can't remember exactly when that happened, but it's time to let my defenses down and let people in again.  And maybe not just people, but love.

I am seeking answers, and that is helping me right now.  This spiritual quest is important and I'm on the right track there, but I need to let go even more.  I need to stop fearing the fundamental change that is necessary to heal.  Again, I need to let go of fear and embrace transformational love. 

I think the wheel is just echoing what I've already said.  Trust the divine order of things.  Everything is already working for my best.  Trust.  There are forces at work that I do not control.  Surrender.

The page of swords represents the beginning of my healing.  It is me moving out of depression, away from fear, and gaining new confidence.   

At first I was disappointed that I didn't see something like The Sun or The World as the outcome card, but after thinking about it, I think that page of swords is perfect.  My goal here is not to be able to say, "I've arrived," or to experience some kind of completion.  My real goal, as illuminated by this reading, is to live fearlessly.  I've been wanting that for a long time.  The page here looks fearless and joyful.  He still has a lot to learn, but he is doing so with confidence, and he is enjoying the journey.  That is my real goal.



When I was out walking today I did a lot of thinking about this reading.  I did some praying too.  I told God that I didn't know how to trust, and I didn't know how to let go of my fears, insecurities, and past hurts.  I told him or her that my bottom line was I wanted to be changed.  I wanted a switch to be flipped that would make me a different person.  

The answer I received was that the switch has already been flipped, and now I just need to be patient and trust while the change that has already occurred unfolds.  I can just be.  That doesn't mean I should stop taking my walks or that I should stop trying to eat healthfully.  Those things are part of the change that has already taken place.  I won't wake up in a different body tomorrow.  I won't even wake up suddenly thinking or feeling differently, but I am on the way.  I am learning to trust.  I am learning to live a life without fear, just like that Page of Swords.