Living

The Fool - Joie De Vivre Tarot

When I see the fool I tend to think, "Trust," and "Go for it," even when I don't know what it is.  I do have a sense that there is something coming my way or that I'm headed in a new direction, but I have no idea what or where.  Still, I'm immensely grateful for the new hope and inspiration after a period of depression. 

Seeing the fool today reminds me of a reading I did for myself in the midst of that anxious, depressed time.  It was such a special and encouraging reading, but I didn't write about it because I'm a bit embarrassed about my fear of death and how weak it makes me seem.  I'm going to write about it now because it has come to mind many times since.

I asked, "How can I stop being so afraid of death?" and I pulled two cards: The Fool and The Magician.

The Fool and The Magician - Joie De Vivre Tarot

The way you stop fearing death is you get on with living.  Start a new adventure! Create a new thing in your life.  Get on with the business of creating the life you want and you will be so busy you won't have much time for lamenting it's end. 

“One day we shall die. But all the other days we shall be alive.”

                                                          ~ Per Olov Enquist

When I was a little girl there was a period of time where I would lie awake every night gripped with the fear of my eventual demise.  My mom would sit by my bed trying to comfort me every night, and many nights I would climb into bed with her.  One night my dad said something that caused my death fear to go dormant for years. 

He said, "You haven't even begun living yet!" 

It was like a magic spell, and my fear of death didn't resurface until after I had kids.  I chased it away at that time with religion and antidepressants.  Now I find it coming back again as I creep closer to fifty years and every day, thanks to the internet, I hear about another person who has passed away.  The Fool and The Magician are essentially saying what my dad said to me.  Start living! 

And that is what I'm attempting to do.