Friday, February 5, 2016

Spiritual Support

I was up most of the night feeling anxious.  Again.  I've actually been depressed and anxious since the beginning of October.  There have been several major stresses in my life during these months, and that together with my seasonal affective disorder, together with my generalized anxiety disorder have had me in quite a state.  

I'm not ignoring it.  I've had a couple of appointments with my doctor.  My blood work showed that I'm anemic, but that is resolving with iron.  Otherwise, I'm healthy. Well, except for this anxiety and depression.  My doctor wants to prescribe an antidepressant.  I've been on them before, but I'm trying this time to see if I can get to the root cause instead of masking it with medication.  I may still opt for medication if I can't find better relief, but in the meantime I'm working with a naturopath who has tested my estrogen and progesterone levels along with a saliva test for adrenal function.  I have an appointment with him today to find out the results.

I'm also trying to make some lifestyle changes, so far with some minimal success, but success nonetheless.  I'm kind of hit or miss with walking or other exercise, but I know it would make a big difference.  I'm working on better sleep hygiene and eating healthy whole foods while taking a few supplements.

I've been reading lots of different works dealing with spirituality and positive thinking as well, trying very hard to challenge negative thoughts.  I acknowledge the thoughts, but then I try to determine whether they are actually true, and I notice how those thoughts make me feel.  It's all hard work, but it is helping.  I could probably use some guidance from a counselor, but I've been dragging my feet when it comes to actually finding one and making an appointment.

Whew.  That's the background.  I'm trying to get to my tarot reading today, and I will, but there is one more big piece to my anxiety puzzle. 

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Rest and Retreat

Four of Swords - Joie De Vivre Tarot
The beginning of this week was rough, lots of anxiety, for a variety of reasons, but I'm feeling calmer now; calm but exhausted. 

This card is perfect.  I had already started my day gently by spending forty minutes reading in bed before getting up.  It felt nice, and I was almost tempted to feel guilty about it.  Almost.  The Four of Swords is telling me that I'm on the right track by taking time to rest, not just my body, but my mind which has been in overdrive trying to figure out solutions for problems that haven't even occurred yet.

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Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Hang In There, Baby.

The Hanged Man - Joie De Vivre Tarot

This has been a rough week for me.  I breathed a sigh of relief when I drew this card.  It seemed to say, "Hang in there baby!  You don't have to make any big moves right now, just rest in yourself for a while." 

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Monday, February 1, 2016


Four of Cups - Joie De Vivre Tarot
These feelings of anxiety are real, and yet, I know I am creating them with my thoughts.  The feelings of isolation and, at times, hopelessness are also all too real, but that is because I'm living in my head, depending too much on my thoughts.  Outside of this box are family and friends reaching out, close enough for me to touch, if only I would.

Look into the water on this card and see love reflected there.  When anxious thoughts take over I need to remember who I am underneath the ego, the thoughts, the fears.  I am love.  The reflection in the water reminds me of The Work of Byron Katie.  One of the questions she asks over and over is, "Who would you be without that thought?"  In this card, I need to see who I really am reflected in the water that is calm and free of those thoughts I'm experiencing inside the box.

Getting out of the box is hard,...or maybe that's another thought that really isn't true.

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Sunday, January 31, 2016

Find the Light

Five of Coins - Joie De Vivre Tarot
The Five of Pentacles is one of my least favorite cards to see in a reading, but this version of it offers hope that I don't see as readily in other versions.  That's why the Joie De Vivre Tarot is one of my favorite decks.  I always choose it when I need a loving, gentle voice.

The thing that stands out for me in this card is the light being offered by the candles.  My message for today is when you're in a dark place, look for the light, and there is always light.

"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby."
~Ruth E. Renkel

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Saturday, January 30, 2016

Cool Calm Waters

Six of Swords - Joie De Vivre Tarot
I drew the Six of Swords two days in a row.  It's a comforting card to me because I've always seen the swords on the shore as troubling thoughts, and the swan is carrying her, me, through calm waters to a brighter shore, leaving those thoughts behind.  I like this version of the six of swords as opposed to the others where the woman travels in a boat with the swords.

Yesterday was a difficult day.  I woke at 4:00 in the morning with worries looming large.  Those worries stayed with me throughout the day, but I had a nice long sleep and I'm feeling better today.  Seeing this card again makes me smile because it's telling me to leave those swords where they are, dip my feet into the cool calm water, and let myself be carried into brighter days. 

The card also tells me there are still some things that I may need to let go of.  There are still some things that are not serving me well, and it's time to move on, and, as difficult as it may seem, it's for the best.

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Thursday, January 28, 2016


Eight of Coins - Joie De Vivre Tarot
I woke up extra tired today, and I was feeling no part of my new morning routine. I'm still playing with it; trying to figure out what works and what doesn't. I decided to skip the yoga, even though it's just a quick stretch. I was just too tired.

I sat down and pulled the Eight of Coins and the phrase that came to mind was, "Hard work yields results," blah blah blah.

After a little pout, I got up and did my yoga.

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