Wednesday, August 15, 2012

The Root of the Problem

This is what a typical Celtic Cross
therapy sessionreading of mine looks like. Beware.  This is straight from my notebook, complete with incomplete thoughts and bad grammar.

I asked how I could let go of negative feelings and past issues that are still holding me back and keeping me from accomplishing my goals.

1. What covers me: King of Cups reversed: I'm having difficulty controlling my emotions...turning to Biddy Tarot for some help:"The King of Cups may depend too much on others and view himself through the eyes of others."

Yes! Just minutes before pulling these cards I was just thinking about how I've been seeing myself through the eyes of the person who hates me most for the last five years.  Wow! Tarot gets me.

2. What crosses me:  Five of Cups:  Trouble letting go of the past...forgiveness is needed to move on.  Feeling defeated.  How interesting that this card comes up over and over for me.  This really is how I'm feeling.  One step forward, two steps back, I can't gain any ground.  "Woe is me."
Five of Cups - Revelations Tarot

3. What is above me/my goal/desired outcome:  Knight of Swords reversed:  I want to gain control over thought that lead to negativity and bitterness.  Perhaps I need to slow down because I'm trying to accomplish too much.  I may burn out.  Perhaps my goals are reckless and need balance.

4.  What is before me/Next step or event:  Page of Swords reversed:  Confused.  Is this advice or what I should do or likely next event?  I'm seeing, "bite your tongue," or, "Don't say everything you think."  Ah-ha!  maybe it means, "Stop saying such awful things about yourself to yourself."

Page of Swords - Revelations Tarot

5. What is below me/root of the problem:  Six of Wands reversed:  Conflict.  Looking backward.  Dwelling on the past.  Help from Biddy Tarot:  "You are lacking confidence and need the recognition and support of others to pick you up and give you strength again."

That did happen after the incident I'm remembering...the one I still let bother me.  I depended on the admiration of others to prove that I was not the person I was being accused of being.  I sought this out.  I became addicted to it.  I did get a lot of attention and admiration at the time.  It was both healing and hurtful. The dependence on it is what has been hurtful.

6.  What is behind me:  Eight of Wands:  Regaining passion.  Rising to the surface.  Waking up.  New ideas, moving forward with plans.  Yes, I have been working hard to do just that, and I have felt at times like I am waking up from a long sleep.

7.  My thoughts, feelings, and attitude about the situation:  Four of Swords:  If I could just conquer negative thinking I would feel peace.  I need to take time to rest, relax, contemplate, step away from the battle.

8.  My environment:  Ace of Wands reversed:  I don't have the means to put all of those 8 of wands ideas into action.  Frustrating delays.  Lack of direction.  "Where do I start?"

9.  Hopes and/or fears:  Nine of Swords:  Anguish.  "I can't control these thoughts."  Fear. Fear is so much a part of my life, or has been.  From  "The nine of swords can indicate that you are being incredibly hard on yourself, putting yourself down or engaging in negative self-talk."

Oh boy, is this ever the truth!  In fact, this theme is appearing over and over in my life.  The need to talk more gently to myself, to stop beating myself up, to learn to love myself is so apparent, and yet, such a struggle for me.

10.  Outcome:  Six of Cups:  Contentment, peace, happiness, a return to a more child-like faith and a return to a more confident me.  A good outcome!  Worth letting go of resentments and negative thoughts and feelings.

A lot of swords in this reading.  Definitely a mental battle.  My takeaway?  Make a concerted effort to say nice things to myself.  To STOP the self-hate talk that is ongoing in my head.  Forgive.  Let go of the need to please.  STOP placing such importance on how others see me.  Try to see myself through the eyes of someone who adores me.

post signature

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...