Stop Repressing

Today I drew the Two of Cups reversed, and in reference to the question I have been asking this week, "What one thing can I do today to help me move toward accomplishing my goals?" I was a little confused about how to read that.

Two of Cups Reversed - Revelations Tarot

My first thought was the card was telling me that I'm not loving myself, and that I need to be doing that.  That felt too cliché, as true as it is, and I also thought maybe, given that the card was reversed, I should find out what others have to say about this card reversed.

This paragraph at Crystal-Reflections.com did ring true with me:

"Become receptive to "limiting" feelings - allow yourself to feel deeply - transform any "limiting" feelings and maintain your inner balance. Think things over - put aside your anger and allow a new perspective to develop - deter anything which arises from undesirable external situations and allow your inner peace to radiate outwards. Try not to repress your emotions - learn to emotionally regenerate and revitalize yourself. Recognize that you are capable of experiencing great happiness even in the driest of times."

The part about trying not to repress my emotions was especially on point. I avoid what makes me feel anxious, and just about anything can make me feel anxious if I feel I can't perfectly handle the job before me. Instead of looking at that anxiety for what it is, I avoid it altogether, and that avoidance and procrastination creates more anxiety, which I deal with by one of my various methods of escape.

So today, I'm going to face one little area of my world that makes me feel anxious, and I'm going to let myself feel that anxiety, and then I'm going to stop procrastinating and tackle the job!

“Good enough is good enough. Perfect will make you a big fat mess every time.” 
~Rebecca Wells, The Crowning Glory of Calla Lily Ponder

Play Like a Child

I spent a lot of time reflecting on the card I drew yesterday and how it pertains to my situation. I did make some decisions and decided to view this as a new start for me. I also decided to continue drawing a card a day asking, "What one thing can I do today to help me move toward accomplishing my goals?"

Today I drew the Six of Cups.

Six of Cups - Revelations Tarot

 Today is a good time to think about past successes, revisit what has worked for me in the past.  This card also tells me that I would do well to let myself feel joy, like I did as a child, without being weighed down by worry and responsibilities.

As I go about my day, I don't need to do so while carrying everything that worries me along with all of those responsibilities that I feel I'm not quite meeting.  With that weight on me all day long, it's no wonder I feel compelled to escape from the moment I wake till the moment my overworked brain lets me fall asleep.

Recognize past success, live in the moment, and experience unhindered joy.

"Children have neither past nor future; they enjoy the present, which very few of us do." 
 ~Jean de la Bruyere

 

One Thing

Over a month ago I was playing around with a new phone app I installed called "The Goddess Tarot". I reflected on my question, which was "What do I need to do to move forward with my fitness goals?"

I drew Nine of Pentacles.

Nine of Pentacles -Goddess Tarot

At the time, I had been thinking that gardening would be a good way to accomplish two of my goals: get into better shape and fix up my poor neglected yard, so I couldn't help but smile when I drew this card.  It was such an encouragement to me.  I saw a woman in a beautiful garden wearing an expression of peace and serenity.  This woman was on the verge of accomplishing every one of her goals.

The dove, at her fingertips represents, to me, the Holy Spirit, a creative force outside of us and inside of us that loves us, directs us, and provides everything we need.  It's a reminder to me that I can't ignore my spirit, and that God loves me and wants me to find joy and passion in my everyday living.

Since then, the Nine of Pentacles has become a card that represents all that I hope to be.  When I look at any deck, I always check out the Nine of Pentacles first.   She is a woman who has such a balanced energy.  She is at peace with herself.  She is confident. She creates beauty wherever she goes, and she derives pleasure and joy from the beauty around her.  She sees God in all things and draws on divine wisdom in all of her earthly dealings.

Today, I set the Nine of Pentacles down, and considered the question, "What ONE thing can I do today to help me reach my goals?"

First, I think it's helpful if I define my current goals:

1. Lose weight.  I'm unhappy with the way my body looks, but I'm even unhappier with how it feels and what the lack of energy prevents me from doing.
2. Fix up - declutter - decorate those problem areas of my home that weigh me down every time I look at them.
3. Fix up my yard and lay the groundwork for a vegetable garden next year. (build raised beds, research, order seeds, etc.)
4. Find something or rediscover a creative pursuit that fills me up.  I have several things that come to mind, but I don't have the energy or resources to get back into any of those passions.  I need to, though.  I'm filling the gap with counterfeit self-love, anything to escape or busy my mind so I don't think about how bored and depleted I am.

Nine of Pentacles - Revelations Tarot

What one thing can I do today to bring me closer to my goals, which are represented by the Nine of Pentacles above?

Judgement - Revelations Tarot

Judgement. Perfect. It's time to make some decisions.  I know what needs to be done.  I understand how my own actions have brought me to the place I am now.  Today I need to reflect and reevaluate.  I need to look at the pieces of my life, my habits that are no longer serving me, and I need to make a decision about those things.  What has to go completely?  How can I make my environment more conducive to success?  Time to stop escaping and finally take an honest look at the matter.

This is a perfect card for a new start for me.


"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen." 
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson



 

Daily Spread 8/24/12

Daily Spread.

Stop/Start/Continue

Revelations Tarot

Today was one of those times when I was tempted to pick these cards up, put them back in the deck and draw three more.  The second card is the only one that made any sense to me.  My first impression there was that I should start saving money, spending more wisely, try sticking to a budget.  The other cards?  Confusion.  In the past, though, when I've drawn confusing cards and stuck with them, reading about each card while looking closely at the images, I've gotten some of my best insights.

I started with the Revelations Tarot Companion, and I focused more on the reversed meaning since this card came up in the, "Stop," position:

"The reversed King of Cups embodies a depressive individual who has allowed his emotions to overrun his life.  He mopes and laments his feelings and has a tendency to do so with excessive drinking.  As an escapist, he may also indulge in drugs and other vices to take his mind off his emotional traumas."

Well, I haven't been moping and lamenting lately.  At least, I wouldn't describe it that way, more like sleeping in, hangin' in my jammies, and watching TV all day.   So, the escapism described does resonate with me, and um, the cards seem to be suggesting that the bottle of wine I drank last night might not be the best way to deal with my boredom and current lack of passion and inspiration. Hmmmm.  Come to think of it, I've seen that King of Cups guy reversed before.  So, yeah, I can agree that I should stop doing that, but how?  Maybe I should refer to this reading. 

Start?  This is a time of plenty with fat overtime paychecks, so putting some money aside makes sense.

The World card in the, "Continue," position is interesting since I think of completion and the end of a cycle when I see it.  Maybe it's encouraging me to continue working toward my goals until I reach completion, or that completion is indeed possible because I've been a little worried that I'll never get there.  Frankly, I could use the encouragement, so I'll take it!


 

Warrior Princess

A couple days ago I did a 3 card reading:  Where I am now / Where I aspire to be / How to get there.

Where do I aspire to be?  I pulled the seven of wands.

Seven of Wands - Revelations Tarot

I saw the card and thought of fighting and conflict, which confused me because that is not where I want to be, but when I looked closer I saw a determined warrior.  I see a strong woman who is holding her ground, ready to do whatever it takes to win the battle.  The background reminds me of sinewy muscle.  She is fierce, confident and focused.  She's Xena the Warrior Princess! When I look at her, I have little doubt that she will also be the victor.

That is where I aspire to be!  I want to be fit and healthy.  It's what has been on my mind for months now.   I know I need to persevere and put in consistent effort to get there.  I want to be my own champion.  When I groan before stepping out for a walk or a workout, this card will come to mind.

Death Can Be Funny!

Funny! I did a daily spread, and for "my role" I pulled Death reversed. I was thinking, "Hmm, new beginnings, change, maybe even stagnation?" Then I just looked at the card and it struck me how BLOODY it looks.

Death - Revelations Tarot

Today is the second day of my period, which is when I typically experience a very heavy flow. When I read the guidebook that came with the Revelations deck, the stuff around the baby was described as "bloody tendrils." LOL! So, my role for the day was to curl up in the fetal position and bleed. I love how literal and funny tarot can be at times.

Addictions

I intentionally drew the devil card to represent addictions and excesses. The main thing keeping me from being everything I hope to be is my need to escape, lose myself in meaningless pursuits to avoid my fear of not succeeding or my fear of not succeeding perfectly. I can't be perfect, so I shrink into an abyss with food, the computer, too much wine. All of these things keep me from exploding into the glorious woman I was created to be.

So, I put the devil at the top of my spread, and I drew two more cards asking, When I feel tempted to escape, what two things can I do?

I drew The King of Pentacles and The Hermit.  So, my interpretation is that I can either work toward accomplishing my goals.  I want to create a beautiful garden, and Lord knows I have a lot of work to do there.  I also want to declutter and redecorate some areas in my home, and the biggie:  I want to lose some weight and get fit.  I have lots of things to work on, and all of those would provide an escape from my addictions, but what to do when I turn to my addictions to escape that work?

Well, the second card I drew was The Hermit.  I need to get away.  I need to remove myself from the situation that is causing me anxiety, causing me to want to escape.  Where to go?  What to do?  Maybe I should have drawn a couple more cards to address these questions.

This reading was a kind of, "No duh!" reading, but I thought it was cool that tarot could tell me what I already know so well.

 

The Root of the Problem

This is what a typical Celtic Cross
therapy sessionreading of mine looks like. Beware.  This is straight from my notebook, complete with incomplete thoughts and bad grammar.

I asked how I could let go of negative feelings and past issues that are still holding me back and keeping me from accomplishing my goals.

1. What covers me: King of Cups reversed: I'm having difficulty controlling my emotions...turning to Biddy Tarot for some help:"The King of Cups may depend too much on others and view himself through the eyes of others."

Yes! Just minutes before pulling these cards I was just thinking about how I've been seeing myself through the eyes of the person who hates me most for the last five years.  Wow! Tarot gets me.

2. What crosses me:  Five of Cups:  Trouble letting go of the past...forgiveness is needed to move on.  Feeling defeated.  How interesting that this card comes up over and over for me.  This really is how I'm feeling.  One step forward, two steps back, I can't gain any ground.  "Woe is me."

Five of Cups - Revelations Tarot

3. What is above me/my goal/desired outcome:  Knight of Swords reversed:  I want to gain control over thought that lead to negativity and bitterness.  Perhaps I need to slow down because I'm trying to accomplish too much.  I may burn out.  Perhaps my goals are reckless and need balance.

4.  What is before me/Next step or event:  Page of Swords reversed:  Confused.  Is this advice or what I should do or likely next event?  I'm seeing, "bite your tongue," or, "Don't say everything you think."  Ah-ha!  maybe it means, "Stop saying such awful things about yourself to yourself."

Page of Swords - Revelations Tarot

5. What is below me/root of the problem:  Six of Wands reversed:  Conflict.  Looking backward.  Dwelling on the past.  Help from Biddy Tarot:  "You are lacking confidence and need the recognition and support of others to pick you up and give you strength again."

That did happen after the incident I'm remembering...the one I still let bother me.  I depended on the admiration of others to prove that I was not the person I was being accused of being.  I sought this out.  I became addicted to it.  I did get a lot of attention and admiration at the time.  It was both healing and hurtful. The dependence on it is what has been hurtful.

6.  What is behind me:  Eight of Wands:  Regaining passion.  Rising to the surface.  Waking up.  New ideas, moving forward with plans.  Yes, I have been working hard to do just that, and I have felt at times like I am waking up from a long sleep.

7.  My thoughts, feelings, and attitude about the situation:  Four of Swords:  If I could just conquer negative thinking I would feel peace.  I need to take time to rest, relax, contemplate, step away from the battle.

8.  My environment:  Ace of Wands reversed:  I don't have the means to put all of those 8 of wands ideas into action.  Frustrating delays.  Lack of direction.  "Where do I start?"

9.  Hopes and/or fears:  Nine of Swords:  Anguish.  "I can't control these thoughts."  Fear. Fear is so much a part of my life, or has been.  From Biddytarot.com:  "The nine of swords can indicate that you are being incredibly hard on yourself, putting yourself down or engaging in negative self-talk."

Oh boy, is this ever the truth!  In fact, this theme is appearing over and over in my life.  The need to talk more gently to myself, to stop beating myself up, to learn to love myself is so apparent, and yet, such a struggle for me.

10.  Outcome:  Six of Cups:  Contentment, peace, happiness, a return to a more child-like faith and a return to a more confident me.  A good outcome!  Worth letting go of resentments and negative thoughts and feelings.

A lot of swords in this reading.  Definitely a mental battle.  My takeaway?  Make a concerted effort to say nice things to myself.  To STOP the self-hate talk that is ongoing in my head.  Forgive.  Let go of the need to please.  STOP placing such importance on how others see me.  Try to see myself through the eyes of someone who adores me.

Introduction

I'm new to tarot this year and soaking up as much information as I can about it. This is my personal journal, full of newbie wonder and confusion, with just enough wisdom and insight to keep me coming back for more. This "parlor game" is turning out to be some of the best therapy I've ever had.