New Moon

The Magician, Ace of Cups - Joie De Vivre Tarot

Release the need to be in control and make things happen.  Embrace your higher self.  Surrender and let love flow to and through you.

Dream a Little Dream

Ace of Swords-Joie De Vivre Tarot

After looking at this card for a few minutes today something jumped out at me.  I saw the crown on the tip of the sword which made me think of the King of Swords.  If the Ace is the beginning of a cycle, a new idea or fresh inspiration and powerful energy, and the King represents mastery and success at achieving goals, then the nod to the King in this card brings to mind the phrase, "If you can dream it, you can achieve it."

For about a minute today I let myself feel bad about not having achieved certain goals in my life.  I had that familiar feeling of resignation while telling myself this is it.  This is my life.  No point in reaching higher, might as well accept the status quo.  It's not a bad status quo, after all, could certainly be worse.  I shrugged that off and reminded myself of other women decades older than I am who were still growing, leaning, and doing amazing things.

Today I'm letting myself dream.

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” ~ C.S. Lewis

Adulting is Hard

Six of Cups - Joie De Vivre Tarot

Today I pulled the six of cups, and I'm not sure how that relates to my current situation, if it relates, except that I am a bit tired of adulting.  It's funny that, "adult," has become a verb in the new millennium.  I just learned that the cost of a remodel/repair project may be more than we can afford, so now we need to either change expectations or figure out a new way to get the job done.  The subfloor of our bathroom is rotting and needs to be fixed. There may also be damage to the walls. Besides that, I would like a new toilet, bathtub and surround and vanity along with a paint job, a remodel.

If it were up to me I'd have my husband watch do-it-yourself videos and learn how to do the job and just get it done.  Notice how I said I'd have my husband do that.  If I think about actually watching and learning myself and then rolling up my sleeves and doing the work I feel completely overwhelmed, and I know this is how my husband feels too.

I got the news about the cost of the project right after waking up from a depressing dream.  I dreamed I had gained forty pounds overnight.  I kept getting back on the scale, and every time I did the number was still too high.  One time when I got on the scale I noticed a woman behind me pulling down on my clothes to add weight to the scale.  Oprah appeared in the dream and was watching me get on the scale over and over again.  I just could not accept the number that kept coming up.  I have been trying to lose weight, and the things that worked for me before are not working now.  I'm having more trouble than I ever have.  Clearly, this is bothering me a lot.

Between the expense of fixing the bathroom and my frustration with not losing weight despite being careful about my diet, I'm feeling a bit down.  The six of cups is telling me to continue to do what has worked in the past and to be honest with myself about my current situation.  There are other things I could be doing better.  I've been a lot less active lately, for example.  It sure was nice when someone else was in charge of worrying about expenses and I could eat whatever I wanted and play all day without a care in the world, but now I am the adult.   It's not easy, but it does have it's benefits as well.

“O, to be sure, we laugh less and play less and wear uncomfortable disguises like adults, but beneath the costume is the child we always are, whose needs are simple, whose daily life is still best described by fairy tales.” ~ Leo Rosten

I Get Things Done

I believe I'm having trouble remembering how to do this,...blogging.  Funny.  Here I am after almost one year of absence.  I've been thinking for a few weeks about getting back to blogging, and I recently decided to add a card a day and journaling to my morning routine again.  How perfect is it that I drew the Ace of Wands?

Ace of Wands - Joie De Vivre Tarot

The sun on her wand, the warm glow around her and the flowers make me long for summer.  It's the time of year that I feel best.  I realize that it does me no good to spend my time longing for something I can't have right now.  Instead I can find ways to capture that warmth and vibrance that I feel during the summer for myself, and I'm reminded that I have several projects in the planning stages.  Perhaps now is the time to pick a project and begin.

Meanwhile, I'll turn up the heat in the house and enjoy my warm cocoon.  When I venture out I'll dress warmly and enjoy sweaters and boots.  There are things to do, and I am a woman who gets things done!

“What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness.”
― John Steinbeck, Travels with Charley: In Search of America

Enjoying the Fruits of My Labor

Nine of Coins - Joie De Vivre Tarot

What a perfect card to pull on my budgeting/bill-paying/menu-planning/grocery-shopping day!  And now I have a full fridge and can relax and enjoy (Ha!) until  next week.

Love, Love, Love

Yesterday's card, the Queen of Coins or Pentacles,...

Queen of Coins - Joie De Vivre Tarot

was an accurate reflection of my life right now.  The picture on this card of the multi-handed Queen holding onto her heart while comforting her companion speaks to me.

I'm trying to balance caring for my family, taking care of our home, feeding everyone good food, managing our finances, being a counselor to my husband and children with taking care of myself.  It's not an easy thing to do, but one thing I have been getting better at doing is being gentle with myself when all of that caring doesn't look the way I once thought it should.

The other day I told my husband that most days all I'm managing to accomplish is taking a walk, helping my youngest with her math, and making dinner.  He gave me a hug and said, "That's a lot!"  and it is a lot because the fact that I'm getting those things done means I have systems in place that I'm taking for granted.  I'm accomplishing things that I'm not giving myself credit for.  I couldn't make dinner if I didn't have ingredients in the house or if my kitchen were a mess or if I didn't have the energy to get it done, and that involves managing our money wisely, shopping for food, planning ahead, keeping up with dishes, getting enough sleep, yada, yada, yada, and so it goes with everything else I do for myself and others.   Yesterday's card was like a little nod, a pat on the back, acknowledgement that I'm doing okay.

Ace of Cups - Joie De Vivre Tarot

Today's card is reminding me to connect with my higher self. Another way I can take care of myself is to let myself receive divine love.  It's essential for me, really, and while I'm working so hard on keeping order, if I don't let myself be still, hear the wisdom I have inside, and feel the love there, any peace I achieve through order will be fleeting.

"The ego says, 'Once everything falls into place, I'll feel peace.' The spirit says, 'Find your peace, and then everything will fall into place.'" ~Marianne Williamson

 

Heaven and Earth

As part of my reading about overcoming my fear of death I also inquired about life after death. First I asked if there was, indeed, life after death. I pulled The Four of Cups.

Four of Cups - Joie De Vivre Tarot

Interesting.  I could interpret this card as advising me that my focus on death and whether or not we go on afterwards is causing me to miss the life around me, and that is a valid point, but I didn't ask for advice with this card, I asked if there is life after death.  With that in mind, I might also see that there is a whole world outside of the little box where I currently reside.  Possibly there is a realm around us that we can't easily sense.  That is my hope.

Next I drew two cards asking for a description of heaven or whatever lies beyond this life:

The Tower, Ace of Coins - Joie De Vivre Tarot

Wow.  The Tower.  Of course.  Death qualifies as a tower event, no?  The thing with The Tower card is it indicates an occurrence that changes your life forever.  It means the end of something, but it's an end that needed to happen.  It makes way for something better, maybe the very best.

This Ace of Coins is such a beautiful description of Heaven too, and it is the same card (although from a different deck) that came up the last time I was inquiring about things divine.  I see abundance.  I see a tangible place where one creates something new.  I see gifts flowing freely from the Universe.

This is what I'm coming to believe about what we will be doing after life in our earthly bodies.  I think maybe we'll be co-creating a new life together, just as we are, albeit mostly unconsciously, co-creating this life.  Maybe we have many earthly lives before we're ready for that creation, or maybe we are, on one level, creating Heaven and this existence on earth simultaneously.

 

Living

The Fool - Joie De Vivre Tarot

When I see the fool I tend to think, "Trust," and "Go for it," even when I don't know what it is.  I do have a sense that there is something coming my way or that I'm headed in a new direction, but I have no idea what or where.  Still, I'm immensely grateful for the new hope and inspiration after a period of depression. 

Seeing the fool today reminds me of a reading I did for myself in the midst of that anxious, depressed time.  It was such a special and encouraging reading, but I didn't write about it because I'm a bit embarrassed about my fear of death and how weak it makes me seem.  I'm going to write about it now because it has come to mind many times since.

I asked, "How can I stop being so afraid of death?" and I pulled two cards: The Fool and The Magician.

The Fool and The Magician - Joie De Vivre Tarot

The way you stop fearing death is you get on with living.  Start a new adventure! Create a new thing in your life.  Get on with the business of creating the life you want and you will be so busy you won't have much time for lamenting it's end. 

“One day we shall die. But all the other days we shall be alive.”

                                                          ~ Per Olov Enquist

When I was a little girl there was a period of time where I would lie awake every night gripped with the fear of my eventual demise.  My mom would sit by my bed trying to comfort me every night, and many nights I would climb into bed with her.  One night my dad said something that caused my death fear to go dormant for years. 

He said, "You haven't even begun living yet!" 

It was like a magic spell, and my fear of death didn't resurface until after I had kids.  I chased it away at that time with religion and antidepressants.  Now I find it coming back again as I creep closer to fifty years and every day, thanks to the internet, I hear about another person who has passed away.  The Fool and The Magician are essentially saying what my dad said to me.  Start living! 

And that is what I'm attempting to do.

I'm Magical

The Magician - Joie De Vivre Tarot

Whenever this card comes up for me the thought that pops into my head is, "You make the magic happen, Baby!" This is a shift from The Hanged Man/Six of Swords/Four of Swords--wait and see, hang in there, you are in transition cards I've been getting until now, and I can definitely feel a shift in my energy as well.

I'm feeling like me again, and that all by itself seems like magic, but if I look back at all I've been doing to take care of myself, I can see that I made that magic happen.  

 

The Greatest Love of All

The Lovers - The Joie De Vivre Tarot

I've decided to draw a card a day again.  It's been a while since I had a daily tarot practice, but I'm changing up my morning routine and testing different things to develop one that works for me.

Today I drew The Lovers and it's interesting to me that the entry for today in Mark Nepo's The Book of Awakening is about loving ourselves first; compassion for ourselves is a spring from which love and compassion for others flows.

Reading from this book or other inspirational material is another element of the morning routine I've decided to try for the first time today.  I've been going back and forth on this morning routine thing, wondering if I should make it all about me and taking care of myself or if I should use it to get some things, like housework, done .  When I focus only on loving self-care I start to feel a little guilty.  Am I being a bit self-centered?  Shouldn't I focus on being a responsible adult and getting necessary work done first?  Work first, play later?

The messages I'm getting this morning tell me that I must care for myself first.  It's not selfish, it's crucial.  It's a morning routine, not my entire focus for the day, and in starting with nourishing my own mind, body, and spirit I'll be better equipped to take on all those other responsibilities.

New Moon in June

The Fool, Page of Cups - Joie De Vivre Tarot

This is a challenging pair for me to read.  The Fool and the Page of Cups are somewhat similar in my way of thinking, so maybe this reading is asking me to make a subtle shift, not a big sweeping change.

The Fool is about starting a new adventure, following impulses, letting go of worry, and this reading is asking me to release that energy.  The Page of Cups is about being open to my own creativity and/or intuition.  It's about embracing my emotions, emotions that I may be trying to avoid feeling.

Perhaps what I need to release is this feeling I have that I need to do something to usher in transformative change for myself.  I've been all about the goals and tracking my success (and failure) lately.  There is a time and a place for that, but maybe during this phase of my life I should be following my gut a little more, not for the purpose of change, but to just feel what I feel and go where the feeling leads me.  It is a subtle shift, indeed.

This particular fool is in motion about to step off the ledge, and the page is standing still, letting his cup be filled from above.  For this new moon, I'll worry less about stepping out to find my next grand adventure.  Instead, I'll be still and open to it when that next adventure finds me.

New Moon

Two of Swords, Seven of Cups - Joie De Vivre Tarot

These cards together seem to be telling me it's time to make some choices.  Release indecision or the avoidance of deciding and embrace making a choice.   Settle on something and focus there.  The problem is I have no idea what choices I should be making or to which areas of my life these cards might be referring.  Perhaps things will seem clearer in the coming days.  In any case, I'm tired and have a headache, so I'll think more about it tomorrow.

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Recently I needed to end a friendship, and I'm still spending so much of my time thinking about it, even though I know it was the right decision.  I decided to pull some cards for some insight, and chose to use a spread I found at Biddy Tarot.

Release and Let Go

1. What am I feeling right now?
2. Why am I feeling it so strong?
3. How can I release this feeling?
4. What is the feeling transforming into?
5. How can I rise above?
6. What is my new beginning?
7. What have I learned?

Joie De Vivre Tarot

The Five of Swords speaks to the sense of loss that I am feeling, and the tension, hostility and conflict which ultimately led to my decision in the first place.  Although I know that moving on was necessary those feelings linger still.

Why am I feeling it so strongly?  Death.  Well, because it was a huge and transformational change, Sweetheart.  You can't expect to end a friendship of fifteen years and shrug it off like nothing happened. 

The Six of Cups tells me that I should surround myself with the people and things in my life that I love.  It's a good time to count my blessings. 

The Empress provides so much hope.  This feeling of loss and conflict will transform into a feeling of abundance (perhaps by reflecting on those blessings alluded to in the Six of Cups) and creativity.  I think I will be birthing my very self, my true self.

When I'm feeling dragged down again by these feelings, the Three of Wands tells me to remember those plans I have, and I do have many that are already underway.  I have so many wonderful things to look forward to this year.  I'm making dreams of mine come true.  I need to put my energy into my own life, and not spend anymore time lamenting what is past.

The King of Wands advises me to not sit in the planning stages of those wonderful things to come, but to use this new found energy and vision to charge ahead and make that vision a reality.

What have I learned?  The Ace of Cups.  Yeah.  I've learned to let myself feel what I feel and to trust my feelings.  Sometimes, and with some people I put my instincts on hold because I don't want to believe what they are telling me.  I've been guilty of violating myself to please someone else, and what I've learned is, violating myself is just as bad as hurting someone else.  I am the only one who can know what I feel.  I need to trust me.

An Epic New Moon

Considering that not only is it a new moon tonight, but a new moon and a new year, I thought there could be no more epic time for a, "Release, Embrace," spread.  I must say, I LOVE these cards.  They are so on target for where I am right now.

Eight of Swords, King of Wands - Joie De Vivre Tarot

"Stagnation, weariness, and fear," are the words that I think when I see this Eight of Swords.

Release self limiting thoughts and fears.  The ropes binding this soul have no knots and only need to be shrugged off, and the swords are just an illusion of a cage.  At any moment, she/I can be free.  I have had a host self limiting thoughts and beliefs this past year.  I don't think it's exaggerating to say I've been quite debilitated by those thoughts.

"Ride 'em, cowboy!"  That's the phrase that comes to mind when I see this King of Wands.

Embrace confidence, self acceptance, and joie de vivre!  I see this as not only advice for the new year and new moon, but as a promise that it will happen.  I'm already sensing a shift, just today, in my perception and how I look at myself, and therefore how I see the world around me.  I'm seeing this reading as confirmation that the shift I'm sensing is a real one that will continue.

The lion in this King of Wands reminds me of the Strength card, which is also a fine thing to embrace in the coming year.  Tapping into the strength I already have inside will surely lead to more confidence, less fear, and an exciting time to come.  

Finally what needs to be released from my life and from my thinking seems to be breaking lose and falling away leaving room for a more confident, joyful me.

Happy New Year to you!  I'm sending all who are reading this the same hope and light I have at this moment.

~:~:~::Mwah::~:~:~

Thanksgiving Day Blessings

I've done this "Blessings" reading before, and I thought it would be appropriate to do it again this night before Thanksgiving.  What blessings do I bring to myself?  What blessings come from family and friends?  And what blessings come from Spirit?  I added a fourth card this year asking who can I make an extra effort to bless right now?

Knight of Wands, Eight of Coins, The Sun - Joie De Vivre Tarot

I bless myself because I am always willing to try something new.  I'm always looking for ways to improve myself and make life better for myself and my family.  I sometimes act in a bit of an  ADHD manner with the way I jump from one idea to the next, but perhaps this is not a flaw, as I've told myself in the past, but a blessing. 

My friends and family can share some of the workload I give myself.  I do need to work on asking for help when I feel overwhelmed.  This card actually brings Thanksgiving to mind because we are all getting together at my sister's house, but everyone is bringing a couple of dishes so that no one person has to prepare the entire meal herself which has made the holiday relatively stress-free for me this year.

Spirit brings me life, light, love and joy!  I only need to stop and let myself receive those blessings.

Six of Swords - Joie De Vivre Tarot

I will admit I was baffled by the Six of Swords as an answer to, "Who can I bless right now?"  I see myself as the rider on the swan on a healing journey.  Could this card be telling me that by continuing on this path to healing I am, indeed, blessing others?

My inner critic pipes up loudly that this is just a selfish justification to avoid making extra efforts on the behalf of others right now, but if I'm being honest I'm still having trouble just taking care of myself and my kids every day.  Maybe this is advice to let myself get to the other side of this transition before I add more to my plate.  It seems like I should be there by now, but I'm not, and as disappointed in myself as I can be about that, I need to give myself permission to take the time I need and most importantly not abandon the journey.  Who knows who I am blessing just by healing myself?  I know my daughters are watching.  There may be other ripples like the ones shown in this card, that I can't even see.

Update:  After a rough night and morning I was reading an article about Estrogen Dominance and this quote from the end of the article jumped out at me because it seems to confirm the message I received from the Six of Swords in this reading:  "Remember, perimenopause is a time to reinvent yourself. This means investing time and energy in yourself, not everyone else."

New Moon in October

Five of Swords, Five of Wands - Joie De Vivre Tarot

I pulled a couple of cards for the new moon today.  Interesting! Two fives.

This month I should release my need to be right and let go of conflicts that could threaten my relationships with loved ones and friends.  On the other hand a little healthy competition can lead to growth, and some things are worth fighting for. In other words, I should choose my battles wisely.

Another, and perhaps the more important interpretation of these two cards, could be that I need to let go of those relationships where I am required to think and act a certain way in order to earn love and friendship, while embracing those relationships that not only are able to survive conflict and disagreements but are actually made stronger by working through those conflicts.


 

Joy

The Spreading the Joy spread found in the little white book that comes with The Joie De Vivre Tarot by Paulina Cassidy is delightful! 

 0 - What is joy to me? Page of Coins. 

I enjoy learning new things, and a new project can be invigorating, especially if it is an artistic or creative one.  There are several things I've loved in the past that I don't do anymore like making glass beads and jewelry, singing, playing guitar.  I also love inspiring others to learn along with me and watching others learn to do one of the crafts or projects I enjoy.

 1 - Where do I find joy the easiest? Ace of Coins

 Fresh starts and opportunities.  A new idea with a plan about how to bring it into being.  I tease my husband all the time and tell him, "I'm an idea woman!"  Often the idea involves work for him.  Eh, I'm all about the planning and the ideas, but the actual work involved with making those ideas a reality is another story which leads me to,...

 2 - Where must I work to find joy? Nine of Wands

I need to work at following through on those plans and ideas, giving them some muscle, and then I will experience the joy that comes from working hard for something and accomplishing a goal.   This makes me think of those novels I've started writing and haven't finished, the online art class I paid for and still haven't completed a single lesson or the embroidery project sitting in my nightstand drawer that I began before my marriage so I'd have something sweet to hang on my bedroom wall as a new bride.  That was 26 years ago!

 3 - What do I allow to block my joy? Five of Cups

Focusing on what I lack instead of intentionally noticing what I have is blocking my joy.  Instead of allowing myself to enjoy what I have I'm always looking for the next thing that will make me happy.  So often I'm desiring the next bite of pizza instead of the delicious bite that's already in my mouth.  I'm waiting for the Summertime instead of enjoying the new life that Spring brings or the opportunities to hunker down and enjoy the warmth of my home that comes with Winter.  Constantly striving and chasing after what I don't have takes all of my attention away from the abundance all around me.

 4 - Who should I watch to learn more about finding joy? The Sun

The card in this position is meant to point me to a "joy mentor."  I have some ideas what the Sun might represent.  The divine?  Is it God, which I often associate with light and warmth?  Or maybe it is literally referring to the sun.  I have always said that nothing lifts my spirits like a sunny day, and it's so true.  Maybe I could learn about finding joy if I try to remember how a sunny day makes me feel and bring that spirit into my life even on gray days.  I could ask myself what the sun does for me on a physiological level and think of ways to provide those things when the sun isn't around (like taking a vitamin D supplement or using my full spectrum light box during the Winter.)


5 - What joy is the Universe gifting to me at this time? Two of Cups

 I often think of a romantic relationship or a very close friendship when I see this card.  I have been distancing myself from both lately.  Bad feelings about myself have kept me from giving all of myself in my relationships.  My marriage has been more of a business partnership, and I have been avoiding my friends.  I have three different friends from three different parts of the country that are going to be in my area this month, and I've been considering making an excuse for why I can't meet with them.  I've been cancelling lunch dates and declining party invitations.  The Universe is gifting me with  love, friendship, companionship, and SEX, if I will only let myself receive those things.  Joy!

Embracing Change

Kerry did a New Moon Reading looking at something she needed to release and something she needed to embrace during the next lunar phase. It was so beautiful that I was inspired to do the same.  I pulled two cards from Paulina Cassidy's Joie De Vivre Tarot.

King of Cups, Six of Swords - Joie De Vivre Tarot

I keep a pretty tight lid on my emotions most of the time.  When I'm nervous, I feel it on the inside, but the only way one would know it is if I chose to tell them.  It's the same with any strong emotion I feel.  I don't like to appear weak, so I do my crying, nervous pacing, and angry swearing in private.  So much control is something I would probably benefit from releasing. 

Interestingly, in this Six of Swords, the rider on the swan-like creature has given up her control.  She possesses no paddle and has no way to direct herself.  She is allowing herself to be carried away, leaving her swords (worries? anxieties? baggage?) behind on the shore.  The water she rides upon could be a symbol for those emotions I'm so afraid of.  I need to embrace the change I'm experiencing, trust the process, and let myself  feel what I feel.  In fact, expressing my emotions more freely would probably make the transition easier and my load lighter.

“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it...”
~Nicholas Sparks, At First Sight

Six of Cups Affirmation

I remember the joy and contentment  from my past, and allow it to expand now and in the future.

Six of Cups - Joie De Vivre Tarot

"Your past successes will teach you far more than your past mistakes."
~Melody Minagar

The Chariot Affirmation

I am determined to reach my goal. I move forward with confidence, overcoming all obstacles in my path.

The Chariot - Joie De Vivre Tarot

"In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins- not through strength but by perseverance." 
~H. Jackson Brown