The Greatest Love of All

The Lovers - The Joie De Vivre Tarot

I've decided to draw a card a day again.  It's been a while since I had a daily tarot practice, but I'm changing up my morning routine and testing different things to develop one that works for me.

Today I drew The Lovers and it's interesting to me that the entry for today in Mark Nepo's The Book of Awakening is about loving ourselves first; compassion for ourselves is a spring from which love and compassion for others flows.

Reading from this book or other inspirational material is another element of the morning routine I've decided to try for the first time today.  I've been going back and forth on this morning routine thing, wondering if I should make it all about me and taking care of myself or if I should use it to get some things, like housework, done .  When I focus only on loving self-care I start to feel a little guilty.  Am I being a bit self-centered?  Shouldn't I focus on being a responsible adult and getting necessary work done first?  Work first, play later?

The messages I'm getting this morning tell me that I must care for myself first.  It's not selfish, it's crucial.  It's a morning routine, not my entire focus for the day, and in starting with nourishing my own mind, body, and spirit I'll be better equipped to take on all those other responsibilities.

Let Go and Just Be

Ten of Cups, The Lovers, The Tower - Tarot of the Magical Forest

 I always freak out a little when The Tower comes up in a reading, especially if it's in the, "outcome," or, "future," position, as it is here.  Interestingly though, just before I pulled these cards I was having a conversation with some random person in my head.  (This is not unusual for me.)  I was telling this random person that when I do a reading, I tend to look at the cards as a counselor giving advice, as opposed to a fortune teller telling me what will be.  Sure, I do think of them as giving a glimpse into possible outcomes, but I still believe our decisions affect our outcomes.

The Tower is a little different, though.  Tower events happen to us all, and we rarely see them coming.  Painful and sometimes terrifying at the time, the event brings a much needed change, perhaps a change that has been resisted.  Still, I'll try to keep my own words in mind when considering these cards because I think it's significant that they came to me just before I pulled them.

The Lovers card in the position of my current situation makes a lot of sense.  This card from the Tarot of the Magical Forest has a real Yin and Yang feeling to it.  One white rabbit, the other black.  A tree with flames that looks a lot to me like a tree in fall, losing it's leaves, while the other looks lush and is bearing fruit.  The snake in the tree and the angel in the sky further remind me of choices: good or bad, right or wrong, pure or evil.

I wonder if this card is asking me to accept those things about myself that I find repugnant.  I wonder if this is just another guidepost among the many I've gotten lately telling me how important it is that I accept myself unconditionally.  Or maybe I just want to see it that way, as that puts a kinder spin on that Tower card over there.  I'm thinking (hoping?) The Tower card is referring to recent prayers and pleas to the Universe I've been making lately.  I've been wanting to surrender and let go of always striving to be better and be able to trust that God has my back and will bring all things together for my good without my needing to make it happen.

Or are The Lovers telling me I have a very important choice to make?  Choose unwisely, and that Tower will bring me to the very place I'm supposed to be anyway, except that it will be the more shocking and upsetting way to get there.

The Ten of Cups reminds me that I have a good life and a loving, supportive family.  I know that whatever comes for me in the future I'll have help along the way, if I can remember to ask for it, and if I can allow myself to lean on others during those times when I have trouble standing on my own.  It may also indicate the end of a cycle.  Summer is almost over and soon the dark months, as shown in the stormy sky of The Tower card will be upon me.  I have to take extra self-care measures to get through those months.

Self acceptance, gratitude for all I have, surrendering and letting go.  These seem to be the theme of my life lately.  It would be a relief to stop trying so hard and just be.

Week in Review

Carla at Rowan Tarot inspired me to try a week in review spread today, and the cards were spot on!

Seven of Swords, The Lovers, Queen of Pentacles - The Gilded Tarot

The week started out with me feeling extremely uncomfortable.  Some weirdness that is swirling around with my larger circle of friends was causing a very close friend of mine to behave in a way that was confusing and hurt me.  I was afraid to have a conversation about it and was trying hard to just ignore the situation or maybe even walk away from the friendship if things didn't change.  My inner wisdom was screaming that this was not the way to approach the situation, but fear was telling me to say nothing and distance myself instead.

I did eventually listen to wisdom and love instead of fear and started a conversation simply by saying, "What's going on?"  This is when I learned about some of the drama that has been happening, of which I was only vaguely aware.  I was also able to explain my own part in it or what looked like my part, (misunderstandings, ugh!) which I think eased some of my friend's hurt feelings.  So, the two of us are in good shape even if our larger circle of mutual friends is still broken.  I do wish I could fix that because I think many, many misunderstandings, old and new, are causing the rift, but that is something that is not mine to fix.

The week ends with me reflecting on how I am taking better care of myself lately, which would include facing an uncomfortable relationship problem that was causing me much stress, eating more healthfully, and playing hostess to some wonderful friends for a Rock Band party at the beginning of the week.  I'm suddenly noticing a crack in the darkness letting some light shine in, and that is a very nice feeling.


 

I Wish I Didn't Think What I'm Thinking.

Something strange happened to me this weekend, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.  I went out Saturday night, which I wrote about in my last post, and I drank the same thing I always drink in the same quantity I always drink it, but I got wasted!  I know what I drank.  My bar  tab confirmed it, but by the end of the night I was having trouble talking and walking.  I passed out when I got home.  I got home safely and didn't come to any harm.  My friends were all there, and my son came and got me, but still.  I'm really shaken by it.

Apparently, the same thing has happened recently to a couple of other people at this bar, but when my friends were telling me about it, they were suspecting that a person who was recently fired was possibly drugging people's drinks.  That person was not there Saturday night, and yet, I experienced what a couple of my other friends said they experienced, and there is no answer for it.

I pulled three cards asking, "What happened to me Saturday night, and what should I do about it?"

The Lovers, The Devil, Nine of Swords - The Joie De Vivre Tarot

That devil in the middle is very striking to me.  Is that puppet he's controlling me?  Are these cards saying that I was not in control of the situation, because that is exactly how I feel?  I was not in control.  Or is the devil simply representing the fact that I did drink too much even though I know that I was careful?

The Nine of Swords represents how I'm feeling.  I feel anxious.  I'm suspicious, but am I being paranoid or are my suspicions justified?  I think this card is also telling me that I'm worrying too much about this.  I've been thinking about it nonstop since Sunday morning, to the point that I've feeling physically ill and unable to concentrate on other things.

The Lovers card is telling me to trust myself.  It may also be indicating that I have a decision to make, and that it is important I choose the right path.

I do feel like I'm being paranoid, and yet, I know what I know.  Even at the time, I kept telling my friends, "I'm really drunk, and I haven't had that much to drink."

They smiled and patted me on the back as if to say, "Oh Sidda, silly girl, it's okay to lose control once in a while," and if it were simply a case of me drinking too much I would agree that's it's not a big deal, but I feel like control was taken away from me against my will.

This reading brings some clarity.  I still don't know what happened exactly, but I think I'll trust my instincts and stay away from this bar for a while.  I'm feeling uncomfortable and anxious for a reason.  I need to listen to those feelings. Truth be told, it's probably for the best.  Maybe something will come to light and someone will figure out why this keeps happening to people. Even now, I'm still having trouble believing this happened.  I'm still tempted to blow it off as nothing or a fluke.  I think that would be a mistake, though.

I don't think I need to worry anymore about this, but I do think I need to make a smart decision about how to proceed in the future.

Peace for the Season

The beginning of Fall marks the beginning of my busy season. Fall is my favorite season, but I typically don't enjoy it as much as I should because I spend most of it stressed out and overwhelmed. Besides the holidays, this is our birthday and anniversary season. We have a celebration of one kind or another almost every week from now until the end of December. I don't know why our family decided to do all of its birthing and marrying in the Fall, but that's the way it worked out.

I was reading a guest post by Brigit Esselmont at Tarotize.com about how a beginner could learn to read the Tarot in just five minutes by using the images on the cards to tell a story.  I decided to give it a try, asking the question, "What's the best way to approach this holiday season to avoid becoming overwhelmed?"

King of Coins, Four of Swords, The Lovers - The Joie De Vivre Tarot

There's a man, well, a bunny, a bunny man!  There's a bunny man offering a modest but beautiful gift.  At his feet is a heart, symbolizing love. He stands in front of his beautiful kingdom looking peaceful and content.

I should remember that the celebrations, gifts, and gatherings are there for the purpose of loving each other.  The gifts don't have to be expensive.  That's not what's important.  Opening up my home to our extended family and friends for the celebrations is one way I can show them how much they mean to me, and that is the best gift of all.

In the next card is a woman who appears to be meditating.  She is centering herself, and in her hands she holds another heart, another symbol of love. She is surrounded by, what looks to me like, balloons.  Is she closing her eyes and catching her breath in the middle of a party?

When I start to feel overwhelmed, I should step back and take some time to center myself. During the parties, instead of worrying whether or not everything is perfect and whether or not everyone is having a good time, I can sit and let myself soak in the love of my family gathered together.  I can take a time out, even in the middle of a social event, to just be present.

The last card shows two people holding hands while traveling together somewhere. They are followed by a winged messenger, symbolizing communication.  Where are they traveling?  Maybe they are going Christmas shopping at the mall!

Maybe the message here is that I don't have to make all the preparations and gifts by myself.  I do have a partner to help me, but I have to communicate with him and let him know when I need help.  Typically, I do handle all of the holiday preparations by myself.  I buy the gifts, bake the cookies and cakes, make the meals and all the plans.  My husband is always willing to do whatever I need him to do to help, but if I don't ask, he doesn't know what I need.

Perfection is not the goal this holiday season.  Loving each other, and taking the opportunities given by the birthdays and holidays to spend time together is the goal.  I will take time out from the preparations and celebrations to breathe and be present, and I will rely more on the support my husband can offer by communicating with him so he knows what I need from him.