Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Time To See A Doctor?

I've been sick for the last 3 weeks, and it's been interfering with my GMST plan.  I've been improving, and I'm not noticing any signs of infection or pneumonia; no fever, clear mucous, no shortness of breath, almost no wheezing, etc., but I am still feeling like death warmed over.  What energy I had is gone.  The smallest things, like throwing a load of clothes in the washer, completely wipe me out.

My sleep cycle is totally out of whack too.  I am unable to fall asleep before 4 or 5 am, and have been sleeping past 1 pm.  I've always been a night owl, but when I was sick, so were my kids, and one child, in particular, had a lot of trouble sleeping at night, so instead of resting and recovering, I was up all night with her.  I'm sure that didn't help.  

Today I forced myself to get up at 10 am, and yesterday I managed to go grocery shopping, which I don't think I've done since before Christmas.  I'm serious about GMST.  I'm tired of just existing, getting fatter and more tired, watching other people live while I distract myself with meaningless mundanities while time passes.  (I do love a good bit of drama every now and then, as evidenced by that last sentence, but what I wrote is not untrue.)

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."
~Norman Cousins

So, today I'm asking the cards if it's time to go to the doctor or if I will be able to proceed with my plan to de-herimitize myself.  Is my health in need of professional attention?  How about my mental health?  Do I need medication to shake this depression or can I do it with better self-care and an attitude adjustment?  (I've gone both routes with success in the past.)

The Devil, Five of Pentacles, Ace of Swords - Tarot of the Magical Forest

I turned over the middle card first, which represents my current state.  Oh my.  I have to chuckle because it just really couldn't be more literal, could it?  I'm here in the dead of Winter, lamenting the cold, dark days, feeling like the sun will never shine again.  This little fox, obviously is not completely healthy with her bandaged leg.  She needs a cane to walk, and her worried spouse holds her up and supports her, just like me.  This just makes me smile. So,...true!

Next I turned over The Devil.  This is a past influence that is affecting me now.  Well, yeah.  Again, true.  I've been eating too much, drinking too much, sitting on the computer too much, and sleeping too much.  I've been feeling powerless to help myself.  It is exactly what has brought me to my current state.

But I'm going to be okay.  The next card is my outcome.  An attitude adjustment is definitely called for.  By the power of my will I can overcome my current situation.  I am the one in control of this, and I need wake up and really own that.

This is a really good reading for me.  I feel inspired and empowered.  It's just the kind of in-your-face, honest pep talk that I needed this morning.

"You have a very powerful mind that can make anything happen as long as you keep yourself centered."
 ~Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

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  1. Very good and very clear reading. This makes me think of myself. I also fell prey to something similar...flu-like malaise, winter blues+depression and anxiety. I highly recommend some good self care. make something easy like a salad every day for yourself, easy but healthy. Drink tons of water with lemon in it throughout the day. Take high doses of probiotics if you don't already. You might have S.A.D. I would not be surprised--you live in an area that would be suspect for that.

    I say even consider getting one of those lights designed for S.A.D.

    Also: mind-body techniques would be good. Journaling, blogging more, connecting with friends. How about energy healing? Have you tried some? Go to YouTube and type in Donna Eden. She has a short energy routine (it's like 5-10 minutes long) that you might try on a daily basis.

    These are some of the things that help me, and I've had some pretty nasty and pretty prolonged periods of feeling like crap.

    Much Love to YOU,

    1. Yes! SAD is definitely a factor. I go through this to degree every year, and I have a light box sitting inches away from me here in my computer cabinet, but I don't think I've used it once this year. I'm not sure why I sabotage myself. Part of it, I think, is rebellion. I don't like the idea that I have to take extra measures to feel normal and happy. Part of it is perfectionism. The ideal time of day to use the lightbox is early in the morning, but I can't do it at the ideal time of day because I've been getting up so late, so I don't do it at all. I need to remember that I don't have to do something perfectly in order to benefit greatly from it.

      I also picked up some kefir while I was grocery shopping yesterday as well as the ingredients for my old lunch soup standby. I make a big batch at the beginning of the week and have it for lunch everyday. It's full of healthy stuff like onion, garlic, cayenne pepper, green beans and brown rice. I picked up some lemon and pure cranberry juice too. I make a pitcher full of green tea/cranberry juice/lemon and water and aim to drink the whole pitcher in a day 3 days in a row. It helps me lose extra water weight that bogs me down.

      Now following through will be the challenge. :-) I'll look up Donna Eden too! Thanks for commiserating and offering suggestions. xoxo

    2. Those all sound like good steps to me. I hope you have been feeling better and doing some of these things. :) I've noticed that I have been feeling down again and still struggling to feel good. I made a pact with myself today to really focus on self-care and feeling decent about my life. It does take a lot of conscious effort and busting of personal habits that build up, and I applaud you for working on it.

      Have a good rest of the week.


    3. Good for on making a pact with yourself. I had done something similar before getting sick in January. That threw me for a loop, but I am feeling better and am ready to start working at it again. I guess I'll write a post about it. :-) Thanks for stopping by and checking in!

  2. OK, I'm going to give you a reading and I don't really give a shit what position your cards are in. The Devil is telling you you're in a bind and you could get out of it, but you aren't taking the opportunity to slip the chains. The 5 of pentacles is telling you help is within reach but you are hobbling around refusing to take what's there. And the ace of swords is telling you to use your head and go to the fucking doctor because you've been sick long enough.

    There's your empowerment.

    1. Well, that's another way to look at it. ;-)

      I won't disagree with you. I'm going to do it my way a little longer, though. Those chains can be a bit tricky.

      And I love you too. :-)

  3. I know I'm coming to this late, and you're better now, but what I mainly noticed is the Ace of Swords as a seed - it takes time and energy to grow good new ideas. The Devil's hold is long, but it can be cut by that sword. Still, you may need some help (lean on hubby and whoever else) to wield that sword to good effect.

    Sending you positive thoughts,

    1. That's a good read! I agree with the Ace of Swords as a seed, and that is so important for me to remember because I tend to get frustrated when I don't see instant results.

    2. I see that frustration as another trick of the Devil's! After all, with weight loss, for example, it's unhealthy to lose weight quickly. Yet, when we've started being "good", it is so disappointing that the weight doesn't just melt away! At least, that's how it feels to me. I try to remind myself that the slower the weight-loss, the more likely it is to stay off, but it's hard.

      Wishing you (and me) perseverance measured in months, not days!

    3. Exactly! I know this in my head, but when I start being "good" I want to get on the scale, like YESTERDAY, and see that my efforts are worth it. LOL! I know this makes no sense, but it is part of my makeup to have no patience with myself. Perhaps, this is the real area in my life that needs work. The other stuff is just a symptom of that.


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