A Good Day

Ten of Pentacles - Revelations Tarot

This card reflects how I feel today after a walk with my oldest daughter in a chilly light drizzle, cooking and playing a game with my other daughters, and a nice phone conversation with my husband: accomplished, hopeful, happy, grateful.

Grateful!

5 of Pentacles Reversed - Revelations Tarot

Ah! A light at that financial tunnel, and as it turns out, this is absolutely true.  Remember I mentioned that home repair project we couldn't quiet afford?  Well, we have received a gift that will cover the cost of it.  Grateful!

The Second Arrow

Five of Cups - Revelations Tarot

Instead of beating yourself up for mistakes of the past or crying over your empty cups, hold onto what you have and move on.  This card is the reason I came home and made a healthy lunch instead of buying a Polish sausage and diet coke after my Costco shopping trip. 

I decided not to shoot the second arrow.

Dream a Little Dream

Ace of Swords-Joie De Vivre Tarot

After looking at this card for a few minutes today something jumped out at me.  I saw the crown on the tip of the sword which made me think of the King of Swords.  If the Ace is the beginning of a cycle, a new idea or fresh inspiration and powerful energy, and the King represents mastery and success at achieving goals, then the nod to the King in this card brings to mind the phrase, "If you can dream it, you can achieve it."

For about a minute today I let myself feel bad about not having achieved certain goals in my life.  I had that familiar feeling of resignation while telling myself this is it.  This is my life.  No point in reaching higher, might as well accept the status quo.  It's not a bad status quo, after all, could certainly be worse.  I shrugged that off and reminded myself of other women decades older than I am who were still growing, leaning, and doing amazing things.

Today I'm letting myself dream.

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” ~ C.S. Lewis

Adulting is Hard

Six of Cups - Joie De Vivre Tarot

Today I pulled the six of cups, and I'm not sure how that relates to my current situation, if it relates, except that I am a bit tired of adulting.  It's funny that, "adult," has become a verb in the new millennium.  I just learned that the cost of a remodel/repair project may be more than we can afford, so now we need to either change expectations or figure out a new way to get the job done.  The subfloor of our bathroom is rotting and needs to be fixed. There may also be damage to the walls. Besides that, I would like a new toilet, bathtub and surround and vanity along with a paint job, a remodel.

If it were up to me I'd have my husband watch do-it-yourself videos and learn how to do the job and just get it done.  Notice how I said I'd have my husband do that.  If I think about actually watching and learning myself and then rolling up my sleeves and doing the work I feel completely overwhelmed, and I know this is how my husband feels too.

I got the news about the cost of the project right after waking up from a depressing dream.  I dreamed I had gained forty pounds overnight.  I kept getting back on the scale, and every time I did the number was still too high.  One time when I got on the scale I noticed a woman behind me pulling down on my clothes to add weight to the scale.  Oprah appeared in the dream and was watching me get on the scale over and over again.  I just could not accept the number that kept coming up.  I have been trying to lose weight, and the things that worked for me before are not working now.  I'm having more trouble than I ever have.  Clearly, this is bothering me a lot.

Between the expense of fixing the bathroom and my frustration with not losing weight despite being careful about my diet, I'm feeling a bit down.  The six of cups is telling me to continue to do what has worked in the past and to be honest with myself about my current situation.  There are other things I could be doing better.  I've been a lot less active lately, for example.  It sure was nice when someone else was in charge of worrying about expenses and I could eat whatever I wanted and play all day without a care in the world, but now I am the adult.   It's not easy, but it does have it's benefits as well.

“O, to be sure, we laugh less and play less and wear uncomfortable disguises like adults, but beneath the costume is the child we always are, whose needs are simple, whose daily life is still best described by fairy tales.” ~ Leo Rosten